Unfriendzonable

There was a knock on Etasha's door. She was in bed, reading, but she got up to answer. She knew who it was. Her heart was beating out of control, why did it always beat so fast whenever he was around? It's midnight. He's probably drunk. Asshole. She opened the door.

"Etashaaa!!!!" said Joe.
"You're drunk," said Etasha. She got back into bed.
"You know it! It's a part of my charm."
"Getting drunk?"
"Yuppppp. Soooo, how was your dayyyy?" He sat down on the floor.
"It was good, I got a lot of work done. Why are you here?"
"Oh you know, this and that. I just wanted to see you."
"Why are you being so nice?"
"Aren't I always nice?"
"No, you're usually an arrogant ass."
"I'm nice!"
"Keep telling yourself that."
"I will! Sooo you going to tell me how you feel?"
"How I feel about what?" Etasha asked in an astonished manner.
"About me?"
"What?"
"Tell me how you feel."
"Stop, I don't feel anything about you."
"Lies!"
"Why would I lie?"
"Because you're a liar."
"No, I'm not. You're a drunk."
"We're in college, everyone is a drunk."
"Not me."
"I know, it's so sad," he said with his bottom lip out.
"Why is it sad?"
"Because think about how much fun you would be if you were drunk!"
"No thanks."
"Lameeee."
"Some of us can have a good time without drinking."
"Impossible."
"Whatever."
"Okay, so now tell me."
"I'm not telling you anything."
"Well, I'm not leaving this room until you tell me. Tell me you have white-hot feelings for me. Tell me you want to have my babies."
"Enjoy the floor. I have nothing to tell."
"C'mon Etasha, really."
"Come on what? I have nothing to say."
"C'mon."
"I have nothing to say."
"C'mon."
"Ass!"
"Okay, let's take a trip down memory lane," he said as he leaned back so that his back was on the floor. He put his hands behind his head. "You and I met earlier this year in the library. You made fun of me but I didn't mind. We started hanging out. We became friends. We studied together, we went to Taco Bell together, and we started talking regularly. Then I started dating Rainey, a relationship we both knew was doomed from the beginning. It didn't affect our friendship one bit. Then came winter break. We talked every single one of those days. Every day I talked to two people. You and Rainey. Rainey and you. All you did was make fun of me and call me an arrogant ass. Brilliant tactic by you, by the way. Then we came back from break and I broke up with Rainey. Through all of it, we stayed the same, me and you. We went on long drives together, and we talked about everything. Which brings us to now. You know what now is, don't you? That's right baby, now is the moment of truth. It's time to put the cards on the table. Tell me how you feel!"
"I have nothing to say. We're just friends."
"Ugh! Don't you know by now I am unfriendzoneable?"
"You have plenty of female friends."
"That's not the point! When it comes to me and you, I am unfriendzoneable!"
"Yeah, right! Arrogant ass!"
"I speak the truth. You know me and you would be happy together."
"It sounds like you have something to tell me."
"Nope, I'm the Rock of Gibraltar."
"That doesn't even make sense."
"Why not?"
"So you're a rock?"
"Oh fuck... what's that bank?"
"Fort Knox?"
"That's right! I'm motherfucking Fort Knox, can't get a thing out of me."
"Please, you're always a blabbering idiot when you're drunk."
"My weakness! My Achilles heel! How did you know?"
"I know you, Joe."
"Yes, and you have liked me for just as long."
"No, I haven't! I think you like me!"
"Nope, can't be done. I have the heart of a savage, can't be done."
"The heart of a savage idiot maybe."
"Listen, we don't need to talk about how awesome I am. We need to talk about how you feel!"
"I told you I don't feel anything."
"Tell me you like me!" He sprung back into a sitting position.
"No! You tell me."
"Fuck you, you tell me!" Joe started to get up.
"No, I have nothing to say."

Joe stood up and put his hands on both sides of Etasha and leaned towards her.

"Tell me! Tell me now!" said Joe.
"I told you, I have nothing to say!" said Etasha as she ducked her head.
"Ugh!!!!!!! You're the worst!" He stepped back.
"Why don't you tell me, you arrogant ass?"
"I have nothing to say."
"Neither do I."

They paused.

"Fine! I like you! I like you a whole lot! I think about you all the time. I think you are pretty and hot and awesome and I want to have your babies. All you do is make fun of me and call me names and I can't fucking get enough of it. Are you happy now! I like you!" blurted Joe.
"I like you too," said Etasha.

Joe rushed over to her and grabbed her face and pulled her in.

"No! Don't kiss me!" said Etasha covering her face in an attempt to avoid the unavoidable.