Timing

INT. BAR – NIGHT

The bar is crowded, noisy, and dimly lit. The air is thick with the scent of cheap beer and sweat.

ANNA (30s, sharp, impeccably dressed, but clearly waiting for a drink) stands near the bar, looking impatient.

MIKE (30s, charming, disheveled, with an undeniable, quick-witted energy) is standing beside her.

MIKE

Hey, can I buy you a drink?

ANNA

...eh, I don't know?

MIKE

You don't know?

ANNA

I don't know.

MIKE

Don't you want a drink?

ANNA

Of course, I want a drink. I'm at a bar, I'm waiting in line, my card is ready to be swiped...

MIKE

So you do want a drink!

ANNA

Yeah, but do I want you to buy me a drink?

MIKE

Hey, what's so wrong with that? It's a free drink!

ANNA

Yes, but what do you get out of it?

MIKE

Well, for starters, I get a conversation with you, a chance to hit on you, introduce myself, show you what I bring to the table...

ANNA

And then what?

Mike grins, leaning in conspiratorially.

MIKE

And then... I don't know. If you like what I have to say, we keep talking, maybe we make out a little—respectfully, of course, I won't be handsy at all. I'll get your number, text you in three to five days. By that time you'll be wondering where I've been and dying to hang out with me again, at which point we'll go on a very romantic date. But you'll turn me down at the end of it, because you're a lady. Then we’ll go out again and again until you decide you love me and we’ll live happily ever after.

ANNA

No thanks.

MIKE

No thanks! This is primo banter right here, it behooves you to give me a chance. You can’t teach banter.

ANNA

Of course you can, it’s called improv.

MIKE

You can’t teach good banter.

ANNA

It’s not you, you’re perfectly charming and funny...

MIKE

—And handsome.

ANNA...and handsome. But I’m just not dating right now.

Mike dramatically clasps his chest.

MIKE

Ugh, be still my broken heart! How could a woman of your elegance and voluptuousness not be dating right now! Why, it’s criminal! Criminal, I tell you!

ANNA

I’m just really focused on work right now.

MIKE

Work! Who gives a fuck about work?

ANNA

...People who need to pay bills, and loans, and bills. You know those people?

MIKE

What, like I don’t have bills? And loans?

ANNA

I just have to get my career under me and then I can date, you know.

MIKE

Ha!

ANNA

Ha?

MIKE

Ha! By the time you have your career under you, you’ll be dead, dead I tell you, dead!

ANNA

It’s possible, but I’m betting that’s not the case.

MIKE

You’re wasting your life chasing something that will never love you back!

ANNA

What did you just say?

MIKE

You’re wasting your life!

ANNA

I happen to find my work very fulfilling.

MIKE

I’m sure it is, I’m sure it makes you very happy.

ANNA

Then what’s the problem?

MIKE

You’re trying to get somewhere, you know, like to some amount of money or some title or some accolade, because that will make you happy, right?Until you get it, and then you just want the next thing. All while under the illusion that it will make you happy. And it might—for a bit—but then what?You run around chasing happiness in circles until you realize happiness was right in front of you the whole time.

ANNA

What’s in front of me?

MIKE

Not what, who! Me, that’s who! I’m in front of you!

ANNA

You’re my happiness? You’re like 5’8”?

MIKE

5’9” and a quarter! And yes, I’m your happiness. Well, maybe not me—but you know, someone like me. Someone who’s here, who talks with you, who banters with you, who brings you soup and kisses your forehead when you’re sick. Someone who begrudgingly watches your horrible, horrible TV shows. Someone who learns to do the dishes and laundry so you cook more. That someone.

ANNA

That’s happiness?

MIKE

Yes! What else would it be? Look around you—most people don’t achieve much of anything. They don’t get the promotion, they don’t get paid their worth, they don’t start a business, they don’t do much of anything—but they do wind up being happy, right?

ANNA

They do?

Mike gestures around the bar with a sweeping movement.

MIKE

Yes! Look around you. Look at that chick over there—she’s what, 24? Probably has fourteen cents in her bank account, but on that guy’s shoulder, she seems plenty happy to me. Look at that old couple over there. You think they’re millionaires? You think they’re gonna go from this dive bar to their yacht? No! But they’re dancing! Why? How could they do that if they don’t have everything in their life all figured out?

ANNA

...I don’t know.

MIKE

Because it’s not about the stuff! Money comes, money goes. Jobs come, jobs go. Stuff comes, stuff goes. It’s all well and good while it’s there and it sucks when it’s gone, but it never has—and never will be—what it’s all about.

ANNA

And what is it all about?

MIKE

This. This right here—a man standing in front of a woman talking. Relating, dreaming, crying, whatever! This is what it’s all about. The rest is just... cyclical.

ANNA

I will say you make a compelling case.

MIKE

So, can I buy you that drink now?

Anna smiles, a genuine, tired smile.

ANNA

Oh god no! I’ve got work in the morning. But I will say, I’ve never been hit on quite like this.

MIKE

Thank you, I try my best.

Mike steps back just as the bartender waves Anna forward.

BARTENDER

Next!

Anna steps up to the bar. She pauses, looks back at Mike, and hesitates for a beat—an internal conflict playing out on her face. Then she orders her drink

.ANNA(to Bartender)

Vodka soda, please.

MIKE(muttering to himself)

A vodka soda... predictable. But I’ll take it.

ANNA(over her shoulder)You’ll take what?

MIKE

The challenge.

Anna chuckles and turns back to the bar.

FADE OUT.