Throuple

It was a quiet night at Tavern on Jane. Dan, the bartender, is looking forward to closing up early and heading home for a good night's rest. Then he hears laughter from just outside. Out of nowhere, a man carrying a woman on his back storms into the desolate bar. They’re followed by two more people, a man and a woman. The woman gets off the man's back.

"Have I swept you off your feet yet?" asks Jake with a cheeky look.
"Yes! My knight in shining armor!" says Charlotte.

They start making out.

"They met tonight, some guys have all the luck, ya know?" says Ben to the bartender.
"Oh I know," replies Dan.
"Meanwhile I'm stuck with this one," says Ben.

"I'm engaged. He works at Barstool Sports. Ever heard of it?" says a drunk Karen, the other woman. She puts her hand with a giant diamond in the bartender's face.
"Can't say that I have," replies Dan.

"Hey! You could have carried me too, ya know!"
"But then what would your boyfriend do?"
"Fiancé!"
"Oh right, how could I forget. Mr. and Mrs. Short, brunette, and pretty. Can't wait for you guys to get married and move to that house in Westchester."
"5 beds, 3 baths, 3 car garage."
"What a catch you are, he is so lucky to have you."
"Honey, I know."

"So, what'll you have?" interrupts Dan. Ben orders drinks for the group.

"So do we take this four-pack back to the Benihana?"
"To where?"
"The Benihana. It's my house, it's right up the street."
"Ew no! I'm engaged honey, I can't be going into strange men's apartments."
"What he doesn't know won't kill him."
"Ew."

With that Karen walks away from Ben and into the couple who are, unsurprisingly, still entrenched in making out.

"Charlotte! Bathroom! Now!" says Karen. The couple stops.
"What?" asks Charlotte.
"Bathroom!"

Karen grabs Charlotte by the hand and whisks her off to the bathroom.

"Rude!" yells Jake. He sits down at the bar next to Ben. "That Charlotte is one helluva girl."
"Fuck you."
"Hey! Fuck you."
"No! Fuck you!"
"What the fuck, fuck you!"

This goes on for quite a while. The word “fuck” is used 26 more times.

"Why do you get the hot single one while I have to babysit little Miss Perfect?" Ben continues to Jake.
"Don't hate the player, hate the game."
"Fuck the game."
"Also, I'm getting quite the promiscuous vibes from little Miss Engaged over there. Those dudes at Barstool Sports are fucking losers."
"I know right! That's why I invited her back to my place."

"You did what?"
"Yeah, I offered to take the party back to my place."
"Did you kiss her yet?"
"No."
"Hug? Caress? Look deep into her eyes?"
"No."
"Then what the fuck are you asking her back to your place for!"

Karen and Charlotte return from the bathroom. Charlotte pulls Jake aside.

"Karen wants to leave," says Charlotte.
"I hear you, I understand. But is there any way, any way possible, that you guys could not do that?"
"Get rid of your friend."
"Understood. I'll chuck him off a bridge. Be right back."

Jake walks over to the bar and pulls Ben aside.

"They want us to leave," says Jake.
"What!?"
"Keep it down! Let's escape with whatever dignity we have left."
"Why those little......"
"Easy my friend, you're not the first wingman to have kamikazed the mission. Let's just go."

Jake escorts Ben out of Tavern on Jane, as he leaves the door, he sees a bewildered look on Charlotte's face. He winks.

"Ladies, I bid you, adieu."

Jake and Ben walk back towards the Benihana.

"Where did it all go wrong?" asks Ben.
"Eh don't worry about it, we all strike out 500 times a year."
"But we had em!"
"Alas...."

Jake walks Ben a block towards Benihana and they bid their farewell. He pretends to walk towards the subway waiting for Ben to get out of sight. At which point, he sprints back to Tavern on Jane. Charlotte and Karen are standing outside.

"Miss Karen, you are now free. You're welcome. Miss Charlotte, shall we head back to my place?"
"I'm staying with Charlotte," says Karen.
"And there's only one bed," adds Charlotte.

"Ah, I guess this is goodnight then," says Jake.

"It doesn't have to be," says Karen.
"Yeah, you can come back with us," adds Charlotte.

"Huh?" says Jake. "But there's only one bed."
"I'm sure you'll figure it out," says Charlotte as she winks.

Jake is confused. He points to himself and then to the two women with a mercurial look on his face. They nod.

"Oh my. This is all so sudden!" he says with his hand on his chest.

“Enjoy yourselves,” the throuple turns around and sees Dan, closing up the bar and heading home for the night. "Some guys really do have all the luck."