The Seat

In a semi-crowded dive, two men sit on stools towards the end of the bar.

"Bruh, let's try not to give away our seats today," says Tom.
"Whaddya mean?" replies Dick.
"Every time we have some valuable real estate you always wind up giving it away to whatever pretty girl happens to be behind you."
"That's just courtesy man, I'm from the Midwest, it's what we do."
"It's not courtesy; it's stupid."

Two women appear behind them looking to order.

"Don't do it."
"Oh, were you ladies looking to order?" says Dick as he gets up from his seat to make an alley from them to order. "Would you care to sit?"

"Why?" Tom mutters to himself.

"Oh no, we were just looking to order a drink, unless, of course, you would like to buy the drinks for us?" asks one of the women looking directly at Tom.

"No thanks."

The woman is left speechless for a moment.

"On second thought I think I will take that seat, thank you," she says as she takes Dick's seat. "Can my friend have your seat?"
"Oh yes, alas, that is her destiny. But in a moment," replies Tom.
"We're women, we get whatever we want."
"Could you want a hole in my head?"

Dick is now standing behind Tom, awkwardly doing nothing.

"It's quite loud in here, I think I'm going to step outside for a smoke," Dick says to Tom.
"You do that bro."

Tom hails the bartender.

"Can I have 3 shots of Casamigos?"

The bartender pours out the shots and Tom gives him cash. Tom turns over his other shoulder—away from his new seatmate—to the couple seated to his left.

"You guys want to do a shot?"
"Sure!"

They do a shot. The look on the woman's face is palpable. Tom gets up from his seat.

"Here you go," he says to the other woman.
"I'm sorry about my friend," she replies.
"Why are you sorry? I get to leave. You're the one serving a life sentence."

Tom walks out of the crowded bar. Dick is smoking outside.

"Yeah, I didn't like that bar anyway," says Dick.
"We're all serving life sentences," Tom mutters to himself again.
"What?"
"Oh, nothing. Where to next?"
"Bayards, easy to get bar space."

"How lovely."