the right thing to do

Carlos is sitting on his couch watching Netflix after a hard day's work when he hears banging on his door.

"Hi Liz," he says before he opens the door. He doesn't even have to look at her to know who’s there.
"Why are men such idiots?" she asks as she storms in and emphatically plops on the couch.

"Sure come in, I'm not busy or tired, I don't have a life."
"What?"
"Nothing Liz, what's up?"

Carlos sits down on his couch next to Liz.

"Why are men so lame?"
"What happened now?"
"I've been dating this dorky guy and he's just so... dorky. I have to end it."

"So end it."

"Ugh, it's too hard. We've already set our third date for tomorrow night, and I'd feel bad if I ended it before then."
"So go and then end it after."
"That was the plan, but get this, he's taking me to a fucking Knicks game."
"Oh."

"Yeah, I know, right! What do I do now?"
"You fuck him and then end it."
"What!"
"It's the right thing to do."
"Ew! Just the sheer thought of kissing him grosses me out! I can't fuck him, I'm literally repulsed."

"He's spending a thousand bucks on the date. You either cancel the date ahead of time or fuck him."
"No!"
"It's the right thing to do."
"Ew. No!"

"Then what's your plan here?"
"I'll go to the game, have a great time, and maybe at the end of the night I'll let him kiss me on the cheek."
"That's it?"
"Yeah, Carlos, you don't get it, this guy repulses me."

"One must ask, why did you go out with him in the first place?"
"He seemed nice."
"He's not nice anymore?"
"No, now he's too nice! He's nice but he's not sexy. If I'm going to give it up it's going to be a hot piece of ass."

"I see."

"Yeah, I'll just go to the game and then break up with him after."
"That's bad karma."
"I know! You don't think I know! That's why I'm here!"
"Either you don't go and tell him early enough ahead of time. Or you go and fuck him. Or take him to a bar afterwards and make out with him. Maybe let him feel you up or something. But you gotta give him something."

"Ew no! You don't get it, if I fuck him then he'll buy me an engagement ring the next day."
"What a horrible human being."
"I know!"
"How dare he."
"Honey, I know. I may be available, but I'm not desperate."

"Try being desperate maybe?"
"Fuck off Carlos!"

"So you gonna go?"
"Of course! It's a Knicks game for fuck's sake, it's going to be so fun! Who says no to that?"
"So you going to fuck him? It's the right thing to do. For karma's sake."

"Ugh fine! I'll fuck him, I'll fuck him good and then I'll never talk to him again," she says as she stands up. "How is it better that I fuck him and then not talk to him again, isn't that worse?"
"Nah. I've had women fuck me and break up with me right after. I respect it. I feel good, they feel good. It's the right thing to do. "

Liz leaves his apartment, mumbling as she walks out the door, and slams it behind her.

"Fucking men...stupid lame mother fuckers that can afford nice things...take me to a Knicks game just to fuck me...fuck you...loser mother fucker…wait till I drop his ass..."

Carlos presses play on his remote. He can't remember anything that had happened so far, so he restarts the episode.

It was the right thing to do.