The Morning Mop Up

Donkey Kong is woken up by his vibrating phone. He knows who it is. He picks up, fully prepared to face the music.

"Hey," Donkey Kong says into his phone.
"Hello?" says Daisy.
"Okay, here's the thing. I did magic Toads last night and things might have gotten away from me," he says in pure guilt-ridden hysteria. Daisy cracks a smile on the other end.

"What?" she replies simply.
"Yeah. Sorry about that."
"Do you know what you did?"
"Ummmm....no?"
"You proposed to me last night."

"Wait, did you say yes?"

"No! Obviously not! I know my self-worth."
"Thank the stars."
"What!? Thank the stars?! That's what you have to say! What if I would've said yes?"
"Then I would've married you."

"..........Yeah, right."

"No, I would've. So do you want to hear the story or not?"
"Tell your story."

"So me and Browser were just chilling in the jungle, and he's like I got Waluigi coming in from out of town and he's got magic Toads. And I'm like, 'Okay.' Fast forward to the next day and I'm soaking up at the watering hole and Waluigi brings out the Toads. I tried to get out of it, but Mario is there too, and they wouldn't let me get out of it. I guess I did promise, so I decided to flip a coin..."

"What?" yelled Daisy. "You flipped a coin?!"
"Yeah, had to be done."
"Why?"
"It was a true coinflip. And it was heads. So, I did the Toads."
"Obviously."
"And then it hit, and I lost my fucking mind. That's my story."

"So what did you do while you were on it?"
"We hit up all the other watering holes."
"You went out on Toads?"
"Yes."
"That's dumb."
"I know."
"So why'd you start calling me?"
"I got scared. I am not someone who should be losing control. I can't do it."
"And you proposed?"

"You don't want to know what was going on in my head. The thoughts that were in my head, I don't know where they came from. Everything felt like a trap. Like, everything was out to get me in some type of way. I felt vulnerable but not in a good way where I was opening myself up but in a bad way. Like all is not right in the world."
"So you proposed?"
"Yeah, sorry."

"And then you were talking to another girl while on the phone with me!"
"I was?" Donkey Kong knows he did this, but can’t bear to admit it.

"Yes! You asshole!"
"Sorry about that."
"How many times have I told you to stop getting fucked up and texting me, it fucks with me!"
"I know, I know. Sorry, sorry."
"And what is this nonsense that you would have married me? Honey, you had your chance. I don't want to marry you!"
"I know, thank the stars."

"Thank the stars?!"
"C'mon, you and I both know you and I aren't the ones for each other."
"Yeah because you are repulsive and immature."
"Exactly."
"I could never be into you again. Like, no thank you. You are not the children I want in my life."
"Couldn't agree more."
"Hah! Marry me! This motherfucker thought he could marry me!"
"Sooooo yeah, that's my story. Really sorry about that. In other news. I'm exhausted."