The fault in our stars

Friendship is the best thing on Earth. Jobs come and go, relationships come and go, love comes and goes, but friendships are often forever. It is often easy to see yourself being friends with someone for a long time even though you've just met the person. The bonds are built fast and they are surprisingly strong. If relationships was a person, she would be jealous of friendship. Where as relationships can be tumultuous and chaotic, friendships are often easy going and pleasant. There is never any pressure in a friendship, never any drama. Friendships are pure. Both people are there because they want to be there. No one is forced to do anything. That's what makes friendship so beautiful.

Krish and Nila met during the first week of college. They were both sitting on the quad watching a movie and somehow started talking to one another. They were both from NYC, which was unique because they went to college in rural Georgia. They both loved basketball, hip hop, and talking shit. The three often go hand in hand. And, just like that, out of nowhere, a friendship was born. Before long not a day would go by where they would not see each other. They texted constantly. They became part of a bigger friend group but everyone knew that Krish and Nila had a special bond. Everyone also thought that there was always something more between them but there never was.

"Why would a goddess like me be with a chump like that?" said Nila every time she was approached with such accusations.
"We're not just friends. We're also best friends," Krish would say.

They often slept in each others' dorm rooms but nothing ever happened. Their friendship was pure. They would sleep in same bed, but usually head to toe. They would fight over Snuffy, Krish's pet teddy bunny. Krish couldn't sleep without holding on to something. It may seem childish and lame but Snuffy was a total chick magnet. Krish, Nila, and Snuffy would spend many nights doing nothing but just talking.

"Hey Nila?"
"Yeah?"
"I cant wait till we have grandkids so that our grandkids can play together."
"Ugh, don't make me get married."
"Cmon! It'll be so fun! We'll all get together and party like its 2008. Can't wait till one of my grandsons dates one of you're granddaughters."
"Listen here mister, no one from my family will ever date anyone from you're family."
"What? Why not?"
"Dems the rules, if you want to eat in this household you cant date anyone in the Patel household."
"What's wrong with us Patels?"
"Everything."
"Please, I'm going to tell all my kids and grandkids to target you're kids and grandkids. You will not escape us!"
"If anyone of you're spawns ever comes near one of mines I will shoot them in the crotch. Point blank."
"Won't it be so much fun though? Us growing old together, with our families and all?"
"Yeah its going to be one great life. But keep you're spawns away from mine."

So the conversations would go, night after night. As time went on the nights turned into weeks, the weeks turned into months, and the months turned into years. Both Nila and Krish graduated college and moved back in with their parents in NYC. They were still as close as ever. They couldn't spend as much time face to face as they did in college but they still talked on a daily basis. Often they just talked shit but they also talked about their real problems.

A couple of years after college they decided to get together one night to go out in Astoria. One of Krish's friends, Nate, had just moved to Astoria and wanted to do a small housewarming followed by a night out on Steinway Street. As the pregame started, Krish and Nila were on a mission to drink like they did in college. Which meant one thing: shots. Back in school they would often do 5-6 shots before leaving their dorm room. That would just be the start of their night. Hey, it was really the most cost effective. Nila was always able to keep up with the boys. The shot taking commenced and before they knew it they had all done 7 shots. They headed out the door.

Steinway Street was dead on this particular night but the three of them managed to find a cash only hookah bar that was playing some great hip-hop music. The second Krish walked through the door he fell and hit his chin on a step. Blood started gushing from his chin. He went to the bathroom to clean his wound. When he got back to the bar, the bartender gave him a large band-aid. Crisis averted. Determined not to let this slight mishap ruin the night, Krish decided to party on. He got a hookah and a drink. As he looked out at the dance floor, he couldn't believe his eyes. Nila and Nate were grinding. Oh, that's different. Now Nila wasn't very promiscuous but she loved to dance. She danced with tons of men whenever she went out, this was nothing new. But Nate was a devout Christian, he was waiting for the one. He never did such things. Guess they must be really drunk.
After a while Nate came over to the table where Krish was sitting. Krish could see Nila was dancing with another guy at the end of the bar, by the door.

"Dude. You? Grinding?" asked Krish.
"I don't know what happened. We just started out of nowhere. I don't grind with girls."
"Yeah, its not very Christian." They laughed.

Krish looked back out at the dance floor. Nila was gone.

"Dude, where's Nila?" asked Krish.
"I don't see her," replied Nate. "We have to find her."

They both got up and started looking for her. She wasn't anywhere in the bar. Krish went outside. She wasn't there either. He called her. No answer. He called again. No answer. He texted her. No response.

"Im going to go left and walk up Steinway. You go right and circle the block," said Krish.
"Ok," replied Nate.

They both searched for the next 30 minutes but Nila was nowhere to be found. She wasn't picking up her phone. She wasn't replying to any texts.

"Maybe she went home with a guy?" offered Nate.
"Nah, thats not how she goes about it," replied Krish.
"What do we do now?"
"I guess go home, maybe she'll come back there."

When they got back to Nate's apartment she wasn't there. Nate went to sleep in his room, Krish slept on the couch. At 5 am Krish was woken up by a phone call. It was Nila.

"Buzz me up," she said through the phone.

He buzzed her up. She came in the room.

"What happened to you? I was worried sick," said Krish.
"I don't want to talk about it, I'm exhausted. Lets just go to sleep," replied Nila.

They both fell asleep on the couch. For the first time ever they cuddled each other, Krish was the big spoon. Nothing happened, it was just a friend really missing another friend. In the morning they went their separate ways. Krish didn't push. Nila didn't offer.

A few months later both Krish and Nila went to New Orleans for Halloween weekend. They went along with a bunch of their college friends. Nila got there on Friday but Krish's flight was delayed. He couldn't get there till Saturday morning. They were all flying back Sunday. Something was different between Krish and Nila. They would talk but the emotion was not the same. Krish didn't think too much of it, he figured Nila was just tired.

The went out that night in their Halloween costumes. They went straight to Bourbon street. Nila was walking ahead of Krish when someone put a hand on her shoulder to pass her.

"Don't touch me!" yelled Nila.  

Krish was shocked by the outburst. Very un-Nila like. Something was different. Something was off with her. The group consisted of 3 girls and 2 guys. The girls surprisingly decided to call it an early night and Krish stayed out with the other guy. They met a couple of girls and decided to bring them back to the rented airbnb. They didn't have a key so Krish knocked on the door.

"Who is it?" said a voice on the inside.
"It's me," said Krish.
"Who's that with you?" asked the voice inside.
"We made some friends, can you open the door?" replied a confused Krish.
"Were not letting those bitches in," said the voice inside.
"Who you calling a bitch, bitch?" said one of the girls on the outside.
"Wait, what's going on?" asked Krish.
"We don't feel safe having strangers in this house," said the voice on the inside.

The back and forth went on for a bit longer. In the end Krish decided that his friends were right. Yes they were cockblocking. But they had a right to feel safe in the rented space. There was nothing he could do. He called the girls they met an Uber back to their hostel and went in the house. He ate some food and went to sleep. He decided to let bygones be bygones.

The next morning Krish woke up to Nila shaking his shoulder.

"Wake up!" Nila was being loud.
"Huh, whats going on?" asked Krish, half sleep.
"Did you call Janet a bitch?" Janet was the girl on the other side of the door last night, one of their college friends.
"No, that was one of the girls I was with."
"She said it was you."
"Well it wasn't." Krish was sitting up now.
"We are all very angry with you. How could you let those girls be disrespectful?"
"Janet called them bitches first."
"I don't care! You have to stand up for you're friends."
"How about you standing up for me? Aren't we also friends?"

Nila didn't respond. There was a pause.

"Nila? What happened to us? Are you not my friend any more?" asked Krish. heartbroken. Nila took a deep breath.
"Krish I've been having panic attacks ever since you showed up."
"What? What did I do?"
"I've been having them since the night in Astoria."
"What happened that night?"

Nila was quiet again.

"Tell me!" Krish could feel his temper rising.
"I woke up on the street that day Krish. On the street," said Nila with tears in her eyes. "Do you know what that feels like? I felt like dirt. I felt like trash. I was picked up by an ambulance. I told them I was fine and I didn't need to go to the hospital, so they let me go."
"And because you were out with me," said Krish, realizing what was going on. "You associate me to the trauma of that night. Every time you see me you go back to that night."
"Yeah."
"I broke you're trust."
"Yeah."

Now Kirsh was quiet.

"Well then I will take a back seat in you're life," he said starting to tear up as well. "I wont text or call you anymore. You don't need to feel bad on my account. I am so sorry."
"I guess that's for the best."
"But the second you're better you call me. You text me. I don't want to live this life without you in it."
"Ok I will." They were both crying.

They hugged.

"We're gonna be okay, right?" asked Krish.
"Yeah," replied Nila.

They both returned to NYC and resumed their regular lives. Krish stayed true to his word. He stopped reaching out to Nila.

Ten years went by. He is still waiting for Nila to reach out.