The Fairy Dust Offensive

'I'm at Monkey Bar, come through!' – Mary, Friday, June 21, 9:52pm.

Taylor replies to the text by strolling into Monkey Bar 20 minutes later. He’s brimming with confidence, hopeful tonight is the night he finally breaks through.

The sight of Mary hits him like a punch through the solar plexus. She is sitting with a group of friends at a sofa-laden table…in another man's lap. But no time to wallow or whine.

Without hesitation, he walks to the bar away from Mary's group. It’s adequately crowded so he goes unnoticed. His friends are too far away, there is no backup, he has to do this alone. The bartender walks over to him.

"What can I get you?" she asks.

Taylor puts on his best shocked face. "Oh my," he says, "Has anyone mentioned how beautiful you look today?"

The bartender starts blushing. The Fairy Dust Offensive has begun.

"Not in a very long time, thank you very much! You are sweeter than a jar of honey."
"Hey, if you see something, say something, right?"
"You're right!"
"I'll take a tequila soda, please."
"On the house!"

Wonderful start. He shoots the tequila faster than a cheetah chases his prey. From there, Taylor straps on his metaphorical wings and starts floating about the room, keenly aware of where Mary is at all times…in order to avoid her.

He floats through the crowded bar sprinkling all the fairy dust he can.

"Wow, I love that dress on you, it's perfect for this time of year."
"Wow, you're so fit! As the British would say, 'proper fit,' you must work out a ton."
"Dude! Love that shirt, it's so fun!"
"Girl, those shoes, my god, they're wonderful!"
"Are you an actress? Didn't I just see you in a show or something?"
"Bro, don't let anyone fool you, you have the best eyebrows in this place!"
"Converses are so back, love those kicks!"
"Is that a pashmina?!?!?!?!?"

Taylor makes sure to sprinkle little bits of fairy dust all across the bar. A few times he's forced into a stop-and-chat with the people he compliments, but he keeps it brief. At this point, his eyes are squarely on the prize.

Now, with the entire bar glittering in fairy dust, he returns to the bar, sits, and waits.

A woman approaches the bar and orders a drink.
"Hey, it's you!" she says. Bingo.
Taylor quickly recognizes her, "The woman with the beautiful shoes, how are we doing this lovely evening?"
"Can I tell you a secret?"
"I'd be hurt if you didn't."
"Ever since you complimented me all I've been thinking about is when I'd get to talk to you again. Why'd you leave?"
"You were with your friends."
"And now I'm with you."

Lovely. The two of them talk for about 15 minutes right up until Taylor feels a tap on his shoulder.

"Mary! Hey! Wow, you look great!"
"Heyyy, where have you been?"
"I've been here, talking to my new friend Amanda. Amanda, meet Mary." They shake hands with tremendous insincerity.
"How do you guys know each other?" asks Mary.
"Oh, we just met," lunges Amanda. "Isn't he the best?"
"Yeah... he really is, isn't he," says Mary. "Well, me and my friends are over there. If you guys want to join us, we have the sofas."
"Maybe in a little bit, we were just having this fantastic conversation," says Taylor.

Cold. Blooded. Killer.

"Oh, okay, well, see you guys soon then." Mary as she turns around and walks back to her sofa complex.

"Ah, so that's your game," says Amanda.
"What?"
"You're really cute, you know that? Walking around this bar, being the ray of sunshine that everyone needs in their life. Making people's night. And we all fall for it, because obviously we do. Look at you, you are a puppy. Such a cute little puppy. But you’re not a puppy, you’re a wolf. You eat puppies. And now the puppy you want is that tight little Mary that walked away with her little lamb, isn’t it?"

Quite the turn of events, but luckily for Taylor he’s been here before. And he knows what to do. Bluff.

"I can't emphasize this enough. I have no idea what you’re talking about."
"So, you want to keep lying to me or make her really jealous?"

"Both."
"She's looking." Amanda leans in and kisses Taylor. He kisses back.
"Let's make her a little more jealous." They kiss more.

"Let's go over there," offers Amanda.
"No, drop it, let's go somewhere else."
"What! Now is the time when you go in for the kill!"
"There’s nothing left to prove. And besides, my eyes have fixated on a new puppy."
"And who is that?"
"It's a secret, I'll tell you at the next spot." She laughs.

"Fine, we can go, but only under one condition."
"And what is that?"
"You have to carry me out."
"Why?"
"Because that's what this puppy wants. Woof woof."

Taylor stands up and swiftly picks up Amanda in his arms and gracefully carries her out of Monkey Bar. Mary can do nothing but watch.

"Hey, isn't that the guy from your job who has the biggest crush on you!?" asks Mary's friend.
"Shut up you whore!"

'Hey, it was really great to see you last night, sorry we couldn't hang out more. I'm free the rest of this weekend if you want to link up.' - Mary, Saturday, June 22, 9:53am.