The Face Reader

Why do we love being told the future? At least some part of us has to know that certainty does not exist in this life. There are accidents, people lose jobs, people get cancer, people hit the lottery, etc. There are many things in life that we do not see coming. The irony of life is that the things we do not see coming are often the same things that make a huge impact on our lives. You get hit by a car and you're life changes. You are now on a completely different trajectory. You hit the lottery and you're life also changes. Chance plays a pretty big role in all of our lives. But we humans, the rebellious creatures that we are, love to take chance out of the equation. That's why we read horoscopes right? That is why people get their palms read and go to fortune tellers. You may laugh but telling people the future is big business in many parts of the world. People pay lots of hard-earned money to be told when they will get promoted. Or when they will get married or have a child. Whether numerology or astrology work is not the concern, the concern is why do we want it to work? If you knew everything that was going to happen before it did, wouldn't life be boring? Yes, you would be rich, and you would never get caught off guard, but would that be the life you want to live? Where you can't be surprised. Where there is no spontaneity. That doesn't seem like a fun life. And I think at our core we know that we can never truly know what's going to happen. Surely we have to know that we can never actually know. But then why do we keep going back to the well of horoscopes and the like? Why do we want them to be true even though we know they can not be?

Ro was in India on a family vacation. He was in desperate search of a face reader. His friend Claire was going through a bit of a rough patch in her life back home in New York. She was entering her 30s and was developing severe anxiety about getting married and having children. It appeared that nothing was going her way and she was starting to lose faith. She thought she had missed her chance in her 20s and was starting to panic. To help Ro suggested the show Indian Matchmaking on Netflix. He thought it might help her to see how the women on the show, mostly in their mid to late 30s, met partners. Say what you will about India, but they've got this whole marriage thing figured out. Thanks to arranged marriages, everyone gets a shot at marriage and kids. No one has to feel like they are missing out if they don't want to. Now they may not be the happiest of marriages but at least no one has to grow old alone if they don't want to. This is not true of the western world, where stats show that more and more people are single at a later and later age. A lot of loneliness going around.

Anyway, in the show, the main matchmaker consults a face reader every time she gets a new client. She takes a picture of the client to the face reader and the reader tells her what kind of partner that person would match with. He also tells her if there is a curse on that person keeping them from getting married. It may sound totally bonkers but the biggest matchmaker in India, a country where 80% of the marriages are arranged, regularly takes the help of a face reader. Upon seeing this and knowing that Ro had an upcoming trip to India, Claire immediately asked Ro to consult a face reader in India on her behalf.

"And I don't want some joe shmo face reader, I want the best," said Claire.
"But I don't know any face readers. I will try but it's going to be tough," said Ro.
"I don't care if he's at the top of Everest, you find him."
"Ok. I will do my best."
"And make sure you record the whole thing. I want to hear every word. Every word!"
"But it will be in Hindi."
"You'll translate it for me!"
"Ok ok. I'm on the job. You can count on me."
"Don't you dare come back without showing my face to a face reader!"
"Yes ma'am. "

So now Ro was on a mission to find a face reader. His first instinct was to ask his cousin and best friend in India, Abi.

"Dude, I need to find a face reader," said Ro.
"What motherfucker?" said Abi. They curse A LOT in India.
"It's not for me sisterfucker, it's for my friend back home ass face," said Ro. He also cursed a lot when he was in India.
"Why assface?"
"She's nervous she's never going to get married. I promised I would do it sisterfucker. Can you help or not ass face?"
"Why? Does she look bad?"
"No she's hot motherfucker," said Ro as he took out his phone and showed Abi a picture of Claire.
"Sisterfucker! Those things must be 2 kilos each. Tell her I'll marry her motherfucker."
"She doesn't want you sisterfucker."
"Sisterfucker! Ok, I have a friend that might be able to help, his dad was a big-time priest."
"Was?"
"Yeah, the poor kid lost both his parents in the last few years. His dad passed away during covid."
"Sisterfucker."
"Motherfucker."

This is more or less how most of their conversations went. Neither of them thought too much of it, it was just the way they talked in India. Cursing was how you showed love. Abi took Ro to his friend's place. His friend's name was Tushar.

"Yeah I can help," said Tushar. "A pundit sits right up the road a few times a week. People go to him with all types of questions and he answers them."
"Is he good at what he does?" asked Ro.
"He was my dad's mentor even though he was younger than my dad. They say he has a direct line to god," said Tushar.
"A direct line to god?" asked Ro.
"Yeah. And understand that if he says it, there is no coming back from it. It will happen whether you want it to happen or not," said Tushar.
"Sisterfucker," said Ro.
"Yo bro, you sure I can't marry her?" asked Abi.
"No ass face," replied Ro. They all laughed.

After that, the hardest part was finding out when the pundit was going to be sitting to answer questions. He did not have a strict schedule and often took trips out of town to worship at all the surrounding temples. He didn't have any social media or any internet presence, it was all word of mouth. Ro, Abi, and Tushar started hanging out every day hoping to see the pundit. They became fast friends but Ro was starting to get worried that this pundit was a figment of their imagination. He wanted the whole process to be over and done with.

"Why are you so tense? It will happen bro," said Tushar.
"It's been a week and a half man, I wanted it done by now," said Ro.
"So what? It will happen, I'm telling you. It's in the bag," said Tushar.
"Man you don't have to listen to this girl constantly hounding you. She messages me every day asking if I've seen her face reader yet. It's frustrating," said Ro.
"Did you tell her I want to marry her sisterfucker?" interjected Abi.
"Shut the fuck up motherfucker, she does not want to marry you," said Ro. They all laughed.
"Sisterfucker!" said Abi.
"Also do I show a picture of her to the pundit, will that help?" asked Ro.
"Dude this guy is so good all he needs is a name, he has a direct line to god," said Tushar.
"You show that picture to the pundit and he will have a heart attack motherfucker. He hasn't seen a girl that hot in his entire life," added Abi.
"Sisterfucker!" said Ro. They all laughed.

A few days went by and still no meeting with the pundit. Ro was starting to lose his patience. He started getting angry at Abi and Tushar. This was classic India. People tell you something will get done and then it never does. It's just a very "it will happen when it happens" culture. Being from New York, Ro couldn't stand it. He was all about now, faster, better, stronger. The change of pace was fucking with his mind. Sisterfucker! But then it happened. The day was a Thursday and the pundit was sitting that day to answer questions. Ro and Abi met up with Tushar and the three of them went to see the pundit. The pundit's house was located in the back alleys. No google maps would have been able to find him. If Ro didn't have Tushar, he would have never found it. They parked their bike and went into the temple where the pundit was sitting. They took off their shoes. There he was. Sitting on a wooden box in front of a dozen people. People would come up and sit by him and ask their questions. He would scribble a few things down on a piece of paper, think for a minute, and then answer the question. Tushar went up to the pundit and whispered something to him. Then he came back to Ro and Abi.

"I told him I have a friend from America visiting who has a lot of questions. He said to have a seat for a bit. He will see us privately. Have all you're questions ready," said Tushar.

It was finally happening. Ro was never expecting this moment to come so he never wrote the questions down for easy access. It was fine, he knew what to ask for the most part. He just hoped that the pundit gave him adequate time. A few minutes passed and the people who were sitting down asked their questions. Then the pundit looked over to Tushar and called him over. Abi and Ro followed. This was no private meeting. They got up and Ro was instructed to sit right next to the pundit. The pundit looked at him and smiled. It was one of those smiles where you can tell that the person has no cares in the world. The pundit was free from all mortal limitations. Ro felt that he was in the presence of a supreme being. He promptly forgot to record the conversation.

"Hello, I hear you have a lot of questions. Let's hear them," said the pundit.
"Hello pundit ji," said Ro nervously. Why was he nervous? "I have a friend back home who is very nervous that she is never going to get married or have children. She wanted to ask you what you thought."
"What is her name?" asked the pundit.
"Claire," said Ro. The pundit wrote the name on a piece of paper and looked to the heavens.
"How old is she?" asked the pundit.
"She is 31," replied Ro.
"She will be married by 33. What else?" said the pundit. Ro was in shock. That's it? All this waiting for a two-second answer. No conversation or anything?
"She is also worried about her work. She is between jobs and doesn't know if she should continue doing what she's been doing or switch fields," said Ro. Once again the pundit jotted something down on his paper and looked to the heavens.
"She should switch fields. I think for her sales would be the best profession. What else?" said the Pundit. How did he know that? Claire had been applying for jobs in sales. How could he possibly know that?
"When will she get a job?" asked Ro.
"Her life will be mostly set in a year from now. This will be a great year for her," said the pundit. "What else?"
"Can I show you a picture of her? Would that help your assessment? She wants to know if she is cursed," said Ro."Show me," said the priest. Ro showed him the picture. The pundit smiled. Tushar and Abi giggled in the background.
"Like I said everything will be all set in a year for her. Tell her to pray every morning when she wakes up and every night before she goes to bed. Everything will be ok within a year. What else?" Ro had nothing else.
"When will I get married?" asked Ro. Ro could think of nothing else to ask at that moment.
"Oh you, for you I see it a lot sooner. Maybe in the next 6 months," replied the Pundit.
"Is there something between you and Claire?"
"Oh no pundit ji," said Ro blushing.
"Oh that's no fun!" said the pundit with a smile.
"What else?"
"I have no other questions. But maybe these guys do," said Ro making room for Abi and Tushar.
"Our business has been struggling. Will it get better soon?" asked Abi."Oh it will go ok for a bit then it will soar. Your best years are coming soon," replied the pundit.
"What else?"
"My niece is a little sick. Should we be worried?" asked Tushar.
"Oh come on, it's nothing," replied the Pundit. "What else?"
"How about my life? Where is it going?" asked Tushar.
"Oh come on, you're a made man. What do you have to be worried about? Go live you're life," said the pundit with a smile. You could tell they had a personal relationship.

With that, they were all out of questions. They all got up and touched the feet of the pundit, asking for his blessing. The pundit never asked for money but if people felt so compelled they could leave money in the donation basket. Ro meant to give 500 rupees but he accidentally dropped another 500. Whatever. Once you give money to god, you do not take it back. They left. A weird feeling came over the group and Ro in particular. As an utter realist, he never gave much weight to being told the future. The future will reveal itself when the time comes. But, surprisingly, he found himself filled with true joy and happiness after having talked to the pundit. His mind was at ease. Everything was going to be okay. Huh, maybe that's why people go through so much trouble to be told about their future. It makes them happy. Whether it is true in the actual future is irrelevant, at least it makes you happy in the present. What a thought. He was excited to tell Claire all that he had heard. He knew she would be ecstatic to hear it. What a great day!

Sisterfucker!