Swiping

One of the greatest paradoxes of these modern times are the dating apps. Almost the entire single population, and even some people who are in relationships, are on dating apps. Yet when you to talk about the apps with people, most of them say that dating apps suck. Why do so many people choose to reduce themselves to a couple of pictures and a few blurbs? Not to mention the competition. Every time you are swiping you are going through dozens, if not hundreds, of potential matches. That means that when people are looking at your profile they are also looking at hundreds of others. How do you stand out? Better pictures? Be hotter? Yes it does seem that dating apps work better for better looking people. But so does dating in general. After all, attractive people will always have more options then their less attractive peers. Now this does not mean that their relationships will be more fulfilling or that they will be happier but they will certainly have more options. So I guess if you are very good looking, then dating apps can work for you. But what kind of people are you meeting on those apps? Most likely people looking to fuck. Now there is nothing wrong with that. Sex is healthy. But most people put on the front on apps that they are actually looking for something serious when all they are looking for is an ego boost. They are lying. Not to mention the apps are giving a population that is already very socially awkward a tool to be even more socially inept. I mean, do guys even approach girls anymore in real life? Without the aid of alcohol? Are we ok with this? Because it surely seems to this author that we are going backwards. Instead of giving people the tools to improve their social skills we are enabling them to be more and more cowardly. No wonder women are starting wonder if men are still men anymore.

Varun was on all the apps. Tinder, Bumble, Hinge, Coffee Meets Bagel, Dilmil, etc. You name it he was on it. He spend a good portion of his lunch breaks, and a good portion of his workday, perusing on the apps trying to find "the one". Or anyone. It was rough out there. It was hard enough for an Indian male to find much on the dating apps as it was. All the stats showed that white men were considered much more favorable on the apps then their minority counterparts. He was also just average looking. He was 6 feet tall but his hair was starting to thin. He was only 24 years old and yet he looked like he was in his early forties. He didn't want to use his old pictures on the apps, the ones where he had all his hair, but he knew that if he used his current pictures he wouldn't have any matches. He wasn't an idiot, he knew that girls liked hair. When he had hair in college, girls were lining up to be with him. He was hot. But as his hair started thinning out so did his dating options. Now this can be devastating for a young adult but Varun was not a quitter. He still had a lot of confidence that he could woo a woman if she only gave him the time of day. So he posted his old pictures. Hey, its not like women tell the whole truth online either.

Surprisingly he still had very little luck on the dating apps. He would get matches but they would either not respond or flake out after a few messages. Even when he managed to get a few of the girls out, he would realize that the girls were using old pictures was instantly turned off. He was immune to the irony. Then it happened. He matched with Sonal on Coffee Meets Bagel. Sonal was hot. And she was smart. And she was his age. And, most importantly, she was responsive. She loved talking to him and pretty soon they were on for their first date. He was excited but he tried to temper his expectations. They hadn't even met yet.

It always took Varun a while to get ready. He used a lot of hairspray to make it seem like he had a lot more hair than he actually did. He would start his hair routine and things would be going well right up until the point where he started to sweat. It made his hair soggy and ruined everything. At which point he would have to towel off and start all over again. This often took him 30 minutes or longer but he felt he had no other choice. He and Sonal were on for hookah later that evening and he took his usual time to get ready.

He got to the hookah bar first, it was very close to his apartment so this was to be expected. It is unclear why there is such a fascination with hookah amongst young brown people but who was Varun to fight it. He didn't mind it, even though it did make his lungs hurt after. After about 5 minutes Sonal showed up. She was more beautiful in person then she was in her pictures.

"Hey, Varun?" asked Sonal as she approached his table.
"Yes! Hi Sonal," said Varun trying not to seem too excited.

Sonal sat down and they ordered a hookah. Peach mint. They also both got a mojito. The date started off well. Sonal was genuinely interested in Varun. She looked him in his eyes, and didn't stare at his hairline, which was huge for Varun. They got to know each other a little better and the night was filled with laughs as they traded stories. She told him about her recent decision to apply to med school. She was studying for the MCAT. He told her about the time he went cliff jumping. They bonded over their Indian upbringing and laughed at the idiosyncarices of their parents. They had a lot in common and the date was a fun time. They ordered more drinks, and more drinks, and more drinks. A couple of hours in they were both sloshed.

After using the restroom Sonal sat down right next to Varun. Not missing the opportunity he took a big hit of the hookah and leaned into Sonal and blew it right onto her lips. She leaned in and they kissed. Before they knew it they were full blown making out in the hookah bar. Now Varun was not a good kisser but he didn't learn that till many years later. He thought he was crushing it. He was ecstatic. Sonal really seemed to like him and he could not remember a first date that went this well.

"Best first date ever," he said in the middle of their make out.
"I know right," Sonal replied.

They made out for a bit longer and then proceed to pay the bill and leave the bar. They made out a lot more outside. Varun was still a bit too insecure to ask Sonal back to his place. What if she found out how little hair he actually had? He got nervous every time her hand touched his head. He figured he would be better off taking it a little bit slower, he would be better prepared next time. How exactly that would happen, he did not know. But he just assumed that would be the case. He also knew he would get another shot with Sonal. How could he not?

They wrapped up the night with a bit more making out and then Sonal got in a cab. On his walk back home Varun was sure he had met his future girlfriend, if not his future wife. Ah the idealism of youth. He proceeded to tell all his friends about her and brag about the exploits on his date. Him and Sonal kept in touch for the next few weeks. Not a lot, but they would send a few messages back and forth every other day. Sonal had her MCAT coming up in a week so they decided to push their next date till after the exam. She needed the time to study. The night before the exam Varun wished her good luck via text. No response. He wasn't worried, he figured she was probably studying for her exam. The day of the exam came and went. The next day Varun texted her again confirming their plans. Again no response. This was alarming but he figured she probably flunked the exam and was upset. It was possible. He waited another few days and texted again. Again no response. The next day he decided to flat out call her. She did not pick up. He left a voicemail.

After a few weeks of not hearing back he realized he had been ghosted. He found her profile on Facebook and sent her a friend request. He just wanted to know what happened. What went wrong? He thought things were going so well. He had clearly fallen for Sonal and thought that she had fallen for him too. She said she was having a great time. She said it was the best first date ever. How could he not get a second? He was devastated. This just went on to confirm all of his insecurities. It was a sad day indeed.

Luckily it did not take him a long time to recover from this minor heartbreak. That's the thing about short term flings, it doesn't take long to get over them. Yes you can fall in love but it is not the kind of love that turns you're world upside down. It is a high, not a full blown addiction. Addictions take time. It might take a few weeks or a month, but you recover and then you wonder why you got so hung up in the first place. It was just one date. It took almost no time for Varun to start swiping again. But something was off. The whole experience with Sonal had put him off online dating. First of all he wasn't what most girls were looking for anyway and secondly he realized he was putting so much time into something that did not make him happy. As a matter of fact, swiping actually made him unhappy. Even when he got a match he thought the worst. This was no way to live life. He deleted all his apps. He decided then and there that if he was going to meet the one, he was going to do it in person. He didn't care what anyone else did or had to say, this was his path.

A weird thing started happening when he got off the apps. No he did not suddenly become more popular with the ladies; that happened years later. But he suddenly realized how much free time he had. And if he wasn't going to meet girls online he had to start exploring other ways of being social. He joined a kickboxing gym. He started doing yoga. He started taking improv comedy classes. Instead of constantly worrying about his dating life, he used his new found time to explore hobbies that he hadn't explored yet. Suddenly, out of nowhere, his confidence went way up. He started feeling like himself again. It stopped mattering what other people thought of him; what girls thought of him. He liked who he was and he was happy. One day, while he was getting ready, he looked in the mirror and looked at the hairspray bottle in his hand. Who was he pretending for? Why was he wasting so much time getting ready? He put the hairspray down, put on a hat and went to his barber.

"Buzz it all off," said Varun.
"What?" said his astonished barber.
"Buzz it all off."
"Are you sure?"
"Never been more sure of anything in my whole life."