Rudy's

"Yeah, so like I was saying, I think the best relationships are the ones where you choose that person each and every day."
"I couldn't agree more Charlie! You really get it!"
"So..your friends, they weren't up for drinks tonight?"
"Ugh, no. We finished the table and they all just...went home?"
"But they went to the free table at the hi-falutin lounge?"
"Yes."
"Bunch of freeloaders! And on your birthday no less!"
"My birthday is tomorrow, Charlie."
"Right....so midnight?!"
"... well I guess you're right, midnight."

A little further up the bar.

"Dude this place is so fucking crowded!"
"I know, and it's Tuesday."
"Guys relax. You said you wanted to drink, so let's drink."
"It's fucking cash only, I tried ordering at the bar, and they said it's cash only.'
"I'm getting pushed around here, Goobs! This is torture."
"Ughhh fine, let's just move to the back, there is more space there. "

Further back.

"Charlie, who are you staring at?"'
"Dude, look."
"Look at what?'
"Look!" He points with his eyes.
"Is that Goobs?"
"It is!”

"Goobs!, is that you?"
"Rari! Oh my god, it has been too long, how are you?"
"I'm good! It's my birthday at midnight!"
"What! That's amazing!"
"What are you doing here?"'
"My coworkers wanted a place to go out, I didn't know anything else in the area, so I bought them here... Charlie! Is that you?"
"Hi, Goobs."
"Omg, Charlie it has been simply too long."
"The longest."
"These are my coworkers..."

Further up the bar.

"Abe sale gard phar denge sale.."
"English sir, we only speak English here."
"Well okay then sir, I am looking to drink my dear, I will take a pint of your finest blonde."
"One blonde coming up."

Behind the bar.

"This is why you don't go sober."
"Or if you go sober, you stay sober."

In front of the bar.

"Jaise hum bol rahi thay maderchode. sala ek he atma hai or wo nah jithi hai, nahi marti hai. Capeash?"
"Hombre, esanpol o ingles."
"Abe chup sale."

Back down the bar.

"So, you and Goobs, did you date?"
"A little."
"A little?"
"A little, maybe a lot of a little. But a little."

The next bar stool.

"So Charlie and I are just not friends anymore. I don't get it; we haven't spoken in months."
"Really? That's shocking!"
"Why is that shocking?"
"Because it just seemed like you guys were so close."
"We were."
"Wait, was there a thing between you guys?"
"Yeah, a little thing."

"I need a drink. Do you guys want anything?"
"We were just talking about how we're not friends anymore."
"God, you're so dramatic."
"It's true."
"It's not true, it's dramatic. So who needs a drink?"

Back up the bar.

"As long as your soul is pure, nothing else matters!"

Down the bar.

"Guess who I just saw?"
"Who?"
"You won't fucking believe it!"
"Who!"
"Ram!"
"No way, get him over here!"

Back up the bar.

"The soul doesn't know life or death, it just moves from one to the other maderchode!"
"Abe en goro ko gali kyu de re ho yaar."
"Charlie! Is that you?"
"Ram ram, my brother for another mother!"
"Oh my gosh, I haven't seen you in ages!"
"I know man, how the hell are ya?"
"Fucking excellent. Couldn't be better. Whopping ass. You've gotten fat!"
"That's objectively false. Wait, didn't you stop drinking? Wait! I have a surprise for you!"

Down the bar.

"Look who I found!"
"Ram!"

Two steps away from the bar.

"Wait, now who's this guy?"
"Probably another one of Charlie's friends. He seems to be the connector."
"Fuck that guy."
"Oh, come on. So he happened to date the chick you're interested in. So what?"
"Yeah, we'll he didn't have to be so.... tall."
"I'm pretty sure she likes you now."
"Fuck that guy."

"Wait, who is that guy?"
"Ram."
"How do you guys know each other?"
"We actually met here, right in this bar a couple of years ago."
"Isn't that how you met Rari?"
"Yeah, and how I met Goobs."
"Ahhhh."
"You could say I have a drinking problem."
"Eh."
"I wouldn't though, I think I have a drinking solution."
"But how do they know each other? They all seem to know each other."
"Well, I introduced Ram and Rari, and they almost dated but remained friends of some kind. Then I introduced Rari and Goobs and they are friendly, but you know how girls are, picky. And Ram needed some help with expanding his studio, he's like this hi-fi fashion photographer. I know, right? You'd think he'd be crushing it with the models and stuff like that but he really doesn't mix business and pleasure. I mean he loves a drink like he loves a hole in his head, but he won't even drink with any of the models, what a waste. God, I love models. What was I saying?"
"Goobs and Ram."
"Oh, they worked together right up until he fired her. Oh shit, it's midnight."

At the bar. Everyone in unison.

"HAPPY BIRTHDAY TOOO YOUUUUUUU
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TOOOOO YOUUUUUU
HAPPY BIRTHDAY DEAR RAAARIIIIIII,
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TOOOOOOOO YOUUUUUUUUUUUUU."

"Shots shots shots shot shots."
"On me!"
"No, on me!"
"Fellas fellas fellas, you can both buy me shots."
"It's just fucking pieces of paper, on me!"Behind the bar.

"Ladies, ladies, one at a time. There is enough booze back here for all of you to get your fill. One at a time. One at a time. Ha ha ha."

At the bar. Charlie clears his throat.

"Rari, the beautiful Rari here on her beautiful day. Goobs, looking Goobular. Ram, a real maderchode if there ever was one. Fellow gentlemen of the jury and fellow bar patrons. I will not try to convince you that this is the best bar on the planet. No, I will not try to convince you of that. I will simply say that you all have convinced me. Let me leave you all on the final wonderful note on this wonderful summer night. Life is not about booze, although booze, as we all agree, is awesome. Especially here though, I mean how can you beat the $3 pints? And they clean their lines every week! Life is not about free hot dogs, which they also have here. Life is not about going to a bar. Although, as we all can agree, bars are awesome. Life is about people! And you all: Rari, Goobs, coworkers, Ram, drunk people...you are all my people. And I love you all. But now I need to sleep. I bid you, adieu."