People are going to judge- a free-write

Don't judge me! You're no one to judge! Only god can judge me! Don't judge a book by its cover! It seems that people do not like being judged, at least not by other people. Makes sense on paper, why would someone pass judgment on another person without first getting to know the full story? We are taught as children to be accepting of all people. We are encouraged to learn as much about them before passing judgment. But even then we should not judge. That is fucking hilarious. Why? Because anyone who deems that they do not judge is full of shit. We are all judging constantly. All the fucking time. It is what we do. It is a basic biological function. I don't know about you guys, but I find myself judging all the time.

Why do we judge? Mostly for survival. Our brains are primarily designed for one purpose, to keep us alive. That is why we judge. That is why certain thoughts come into our minds when we are in certain situations. We can't help it, it is our system 1. And, to be completely fair, our initial judgments are surprisingly accurate. If you are hiking and you happen to stumble upon a bear, what thoughts come to your mind? 'Oh is that a bear, let me get to know that bear before I judge it.' Is that what comes to mind? No! 'Let me, slowly, get the fuck out of here before I get eaten.' How dare you judge that bear and his intentions? Hilarious! We have to judge. We can't help but judge.

Another example, a more mundane one this time. Let's say you are out at night, having a smoke with your friends and a man with raggedy clothing happens to walk by and starts talking to your group. What does that man want? Money. He wants money. 'What's the best nation?' he asks. 'A donation. Can you help a brother out?' Again, you knew this man's intentions well before you got to know anything about him.

Different situation. Let's say you are a woman at a bar and a random guy approaches you, what does he want? To have sex with you. Now, some women are very oblivious to the advances of men. But, just to be safe, here is the reality. If a random man ever talks to you for any reason in any situation, he wants to sleep with you. That is just the way it is. I don't make the rules. Think about it, he chose to walk up to you, he could have easily chosen not to.

If he initiates a conversation, he wants to sleep with you. If he asks you to pass a napkin, he wants to sleep with you. If he offers to take a photo of you and your friends, he wants to sleep with you. If he asks you for the time, he wants to sleep with you. If he asks where the nearest Starbucks is, he wants to sleep with you. If he asks what you're favorite part of the Thanksgiving meal is, he wants to sleep with you. You get the idea.

Don't be fooled ladies, some guys are very good at hiding their intentions. But I have been a guy for as long as I can remember, and if I am talking to a woman that I am not related to, that I don't have to talk to, I want to sleep with her. I may not want to do it right then and there. I might need to verify a few things. I might even change my mind but the underlying initial intention is the same. I want to sleep with her. I want to sleep with her so damn good.

So accept that people are going to judge. Do you know how many times I have approached a woman with one of the lines referenced above only to be rejected via a cold shoulder or a weird look or a 'No thanks'? I ran the numbers a little while ago and it is probably close to a few million, give or take a few hundred thousand. These are the smart women. These women knew nothing about me and yet still knew enough to make the judgment that they were not interested.

How fucking dare they! Don't they know who I am? I run a semi-successful yet wildly unprofitable blog! Don't they know how cool I am? How dare they judge me? It's wild, there are actually guys out there who get offended when a girl is smart enough to turn down their advances. Ego-maniacs, we call them. Accept that people will judge you. They will judge you at a very deep and personal level. With one glance most people, male or female, will know whether or not they will sleep with you, do business with you, or want to be your friend. Life is that cruel. Judgment is that real. So accept that people will judge you because you are also judging them constantly.

Your parents will judge you. Your friends will judge you. Your date will judge you. The people on the street will judge you. The barista will judge you. Your accountant will judge you. Everyone will judge you. So what do you do about it? Well, first of all, not all judgments are bad. And, second of all, most judgments don't matter.

If you wear a fresh new pair of Jordans your street cred will go up. The person you are underneath has not changed one bit and yet you will be looked upon more favorably. Men in suits will appear to be more attractive than men without suits. Women with red lipstick will appear more attractive than women with lipstick of other colors. It is what it is.

If you understand how people judge and what they like and don't like, then you have all the information you need to increase your chances of a favorable judgment. If you want to get into a good grad school program, and you know that they judge heavily on your undergraduate GPA, then you have to work hard to get good grades. That is life. You have to be okay with being judged and rejected. It all ultimately comes down to what you want. That's it. If you want to get into a great med school, work harder. If you want to date more women, dress better. Simple.

But how many judgments actually matter? I would say very few. Does it really matter what other people think of you? Well, it depends on the context of what you want. If you want a girlfriend then it matters quite a bit how appealing you are to the opposite sex. But it matters less what each individual woman thinks of you. There are plenty of fish in the sea and you only need to hook one.

If you are in front of an actual judge, then their judgment matters quite a bit. If the ruling goes sideways, you could end up behind bars. A reason to avoid most illegal activity. Judgment really matters inside the courtroom. Outside of the courtroom, not as much.

I love the people that say 'only god can judge me.' Have you ever been inside a courtroom? News flash, judges can judge you. Also, the reason having a strong court system and fair judges is crucial to any society. Without it, it is all anarchy and chaos. You do not want to live in that world. Outside of the courtroom, most judgments are not that severe and actually have little to no repercussions.

This brings us to the whole notion of advice. Anyone who is giving you advice is passing judgment. It is part of the reason I try to never give advice unless it is asked of me. The person giving advice has made a judgment on your present circumstances and has also deemed that they know just how to help. Hilarious! I love that for them. Here's the thing though, not all advice is bad advice. Which begs the question when it comes to advice, who should you listen to? Who's judgments actually matter?

I tend to find that the older the person is giving the advice, the better the advice is. Old people tend to give really fucking good advice and their judgments tend to be spot on. If people your age are giving you advice, you can tell them to fuck off most of the time. However, it also depends on what the advice is for relative to the person giving you said advice. If a person who is out of shape gives you advice on weight loss, take it with a grain of salt. If a person is giving you business advice and has never run a successful business, ignore them. Don't take relationship advice from single people, unless they are widowed. Books, surprisingly, tend to give really good advice, without making too many judgments. Always ask how qualified the person is to be giving you advice.

You can easily ignore most advice given to you. You learn in life the hard way. By living life, making mistakes, and then making adjustments. You get better with time. I don't think there are shortcuts in life, you have to do the work. Don't waste your time listening to people who don't have the things that you want. Let them judge, let them say whatever the fuck they want. They are fools. Suffer fools gladly.