Objects

Carlos is happily slumped on his couch watching NFL Redzone on a breezy Sunday afternoon. Aaron Jones just scored a touchdown, good news for his fantasy team.
Suddenly someone starts banging on his door. He leaps to his feet to find his next-door neighbor Elizabeth at his doorstep.

"Carlos! I just don't know what I'm going to do!" She sounds frantic.
"What's going on?"
"Aren't you going to invite me in?!"
"Sure Liz, won't you please come in?"

They sit together on the couch. They see Justin Fields throw another interception. Carlos can’t with this guy anymore. His posture is quite different now, as he sits upright and tries to juggle Elizabeth and the television.

"What's wrong?"
"So my coworker texted me last night saying he wants to fuck me."
"So?"
"So?! Am I nothing more than a fucking object to men? Literally! I'm literally a fucking object! An object that you fuck."
"Well, that's one way to put it."

"Carlos this is serious! I just started this job and now I'm going to be uncomfortable going into the office!"
"Wait, so did you fuck him or not?"
"No! God no!"
"Then what's the problem?"
"The problem is I feel cheap! And now I have to go to the office tomorrow and this motherfucker is supposed to train me."
Keenan Allen makes a circus catch for a first down. More points for Carlos. He decides to take a risk.

"Isn't this the guy you said was cute last week? Calling him your work boyfriend and such."
"Yeah, so?"
"Sounded like you wanted to fuck him."
"No! I'm not that kind of girl anymore! I'm past that stage!"
"Don't tell me, tell him."
"I will but that doesn't solve my problem."
"And what problem is that?"
"I feel cheap! This guy has known me for what, a week, and he thinks I'm just going to show up out of the blue and fuck him!? How could he possibly think that?"
"I don't know, it does seem a bit aggressive."
Another big catch for Keenan. Carlos has a point to make now.

"Can I ask you a question?"
"Sure."
"Do I come off as easy?"
"No, definitely not."
"Then why the fuck does this guy think he can fuck me?!"
"Do you guys flirt in the office?"
"Yeah, but I'm just being friendly. He crossed the line."
"Yeah maybe. But let me ask you a question. Would you rather have him be overtly forward like he has been, or have him never make a move?"

The conversation had been flying at a hundred miles per hour, but this stops Liz in her tracks. She's quiet for a moment. It would be a great chance for Carlos to pay full attention to Redzone, but they’re on the scoreboard screen, which means literally nothing is happening.

"I would rather he ask me out on a proper date."
"As would I. But what would you say if he did?"
"Nah, he's a little too short. And he doesn't make that much money."
"I see."
"I need a man I can climb like a tree."

The irony is palpable.

"You don't think that makes men feel cheap? The fact that you only want us for our money and our height?"
"I've never thought about it. Does it make you feel cheap?"
"No! Of course not. Men have no problem being objectified, as a matter of fact, I would say that we actually like it. Love it, even."
"So what's your point?"

Carlos pauses to gather his thoughts. A Tony Pollard touchdown! Those exist? Carlos has all the ammo he needs now.

"My point is that, at the beginning, everything is an object. We objectify everything. Ever since we are little cute babies all we do is want. We want this, we want that, we want everything. And when we can't have it, we cry. I want this TV so that I can watch football, I want a job so I can make money, and I want a girlfriend so that I have someone to have sex with. At the same time, the company that makes this TV wants my money, my employer wants me for my work, and my girlfriend probably wants me for sex and some type of security. We want things all the time and we want things from each other. So much so that it appears that we want people only for what they can do for us. We objectify. Everyone becomes a means to our own ends and vice versa. This is normal, I think it may even be the basis for the society we live in. But do you know when that objectification ends? When we actually stop objectifying the person in front of us?"

"No, when?"

"When we fall in love, Liz. That's when we start to care about another person beyond what they can do for us. We start to see the objects as three-dimensional people, with feelings and emotions and their own wants and needs. We change. We start to want what they want and need what they need. When they are sad, we are sad. When they are happy, we are happy. They become a part of us. We become a part of them. We stop thinking about what they can do for us and start thinking about what we can do for them. That's love. And the beauty of life, the absolute best part of life, is that even though we all start out as objects to each other, we end up, in one way or another, by hook or by crook....in love."

Liz sits there dumbstruck for a while. Then she starts to get up.

"Fucking idiot...men...all we need is love kumbaya bullshit motherfucker....if I wanted a lecture I'd go to a pastor...." mumbles Liz as she abruptly heads for the door. She leaves and slams the door behind her. "...why do I bother talking to men...."

Carlos slumps back deeper into his couch. Justin Fields' deep throw connects with DJ Moore for a touchdown. What a productive Sunday!