New Rule - Close Tab

Want to make a quick $200k? Stop drinking. I read a stat the other day that the average American spends $200k in their lifetime on alcohol. The average American lives till 72. We are not supposed to drink for the first 21 of those years so that leaves 52 years to spend on alcohol. Divide 200k by 52 and you get about $4000. The average American spends $4000 per year on alcohol. And honestly, that number seems low. I don't know about you guys but I feel like I have spent that number in a month. On more than one occasion. Think about it, between going out, dating, and vacations, all of which contain a good bit of alcohol consumption, it is quite easy to hit that number. Especially in a city like New York. Think about it. A night out typically runs about $50-$100. A date is probably closer to $200. Vacations are typically $3000 a week. More than half of that expenditure is on alcohol. It is not hard to get to $4k a month.

There are a lot of people out there who do not like to talk about money. That makes sense, money is a touchy subject that is highly personal. Some people have a lot of it, and others don't. This makes comparing lifestyles and preferences very difficult. And besides, no one wants to say how much they are making. It is one of those things that we don't talk about in public. This is ironic because inside the household I doubt there is something that people talk about more. Or at least that is how it was in my household. I grew up with immigrant parents who knew the value of a dollar and instilled in me those values. Growing up, all of the fights between my parents were about money. All of them.

As a result, I learned the value of a dollar pretty early on. Only in the sense that I wanted to make a lot of it. Life is simply much better when you have a lot of money, or so I thought. Then I read a bunch of books on money in my mid-20s and realized that it is actually quite stressful to have a lot of money. First of all, the more you make the more you are likely to spend. And the more you spend, the more you need to keep on making. Going forward in lifestyle is easy, going backward is very painful. The more money you make, the more pressure there is to make even more money. Money is like a drug in that way. Once you get accustomed to a set amount, you only feel good when you have more than that amount. Your mind develops a certain immunity to the money that you already have.

Another downfall to having a lot of money is that hinders your ability to raise children properly. It was easy for my parents to say no to me as a kid when I wanted to buy a $3 pack of Yu-Gi-Oh! cards. I used to get so mad. It was three fucking dollars, you're telling me we can't afford that dad? Fuck you, dad! We could probably have afforded that pack. But my parents did not want to spend money they did not have to. And if they bought me a pack one time, they knew I would want a pack every time. They were trying to get in front of the habit. They could not afford to dedicate thirty dollars a month to Yu-Gi-Oh!. And I believed it because I knew that money was a problem. It's not like my dad was driving a Lambo and we lived in a big house. But what if he was? Then I would be really fucking pissed that he wouldn't give me the three dollars. I would probably run away from home or some other stupid shit. That's the thing when you can afford everything it becomes impossible to say no to your children. They are your children, after all, you want to give them the world. This leads to spoiled children. Which leads to shitty adults. And everyone blames the parents. Money is very tricky.

Studies have shown that past $80k an additional dollar will not make you any happier. In New York, that number is probably closer to $150k. Once you reach a certain age you realize that there is some truth to this phenomenon. More money does not make you happier. But not having enough money does make you fucking miserable. Making money is not difficult. It can be done if you simply put in the time to master any craft and work hard at it. It is our duty as people to do this with our lives. Just pick a craft and get to work and, over time, you will make money. Saving money is hard. Saving means saying no when you could say yes. Most people don't like saying no. It makes them feel sick. It's like betting the under. No one likes the person that bet the fucking under. Rooting for lower scoring? You asshole! At some point you have to realize that making money and saving money are effectively the same thing. A dollar saved is a dollar earned. Saving money means closing your tab.

Now I would never tell anyone to give up drinking. I am not that guy. I do think there are a lot of downsides to drinking but that is a personal decision for each individual. Drinking is really fucking stupid. But everyone does it, so it's fine. It is a lot of fun. My goal is to save you money while you do it. Hence the new rule, close your tab! What are the purposes of keeping your tab open? In my experience opening a tab does a few things. One, it makes you feel more important. Oh yeah, look at me with my big ass tab. It's so big! You're so cool! Two, it enables you to buy endless drinks. But you don't just buy drinks for yourself, no that would just be silly. You buy drinks for yourself, you're friends, the bartender, the three girls over there, and that group of bachelorettes that just walked in. I have probably bought close to 200 drinks per year for women, dates included. Must be nice to be a woman. Third, you tip more because the bill is more and we tend to tip higher amounts on a percentage basis on a higher dollar amount. I could write a whole blog post on tipping and how stupid it is. There is no tipping in most of the world and they are better off for it. I get that bartenders in America make most of their money off tips but, and I can't emphasize this enough, it does not have to be this way. There are bartenders in London too! And they don't tip over there.

For all these reasons and more, I implore you all to start closing your tabs. You will certainly save yourself some money. You might also start drinking less. Hopefully, the fact that you have to go into you're wallet every time you order a drink will create a negative feedback loop that will result in you drinking less. Win-win. Learn from my mistakes, I beg you! The next time you are at a bar and the bartender asks you "open or close?" You know what to do. Say it with me.

"Close!"