Math Guys

"Can I talk to you about something?"
"No."
"Dad!"
"Just don't let it be something stupid. I'm not paying for it."
"But you don't even know what it is!"
"I'm not paying for it."
"It actually involves something that saves you money."

"...go on."

"This is hard for me to say..."
"Just say it."
"I want to skip college and start a coffee shop."

"Hmmm, let me think, no."

"You can't just say no."

"No."

"Can you at least hear me out?"

"No."

"Please, just hear me out. I've done my homework."

"Well, you have always done your homework. Fine, say what you must."

"Even with all the scholarships and grants, by the time I graduate college, I will be in $150,000 of student loan debt. If everything goes well, and I mean perfectly, I will be out of that debt within 10 years of graduating. If things go average, I will be paying off that debt in one way or another for the rest of my life. I'll go to Stanford, study math, and probably get a decent job. You know how we feel about finance, so I won't take one of the high-paying jobs that do nothing but make so much money. In all likelihood, I will make a decent wage doing something I like, because as you've always preached, you should like what you do."

"I have always preached that."

"Exactly. Now here's the problem. As you get older, you just find yourself spending your money on all kinds of different things. If my sole goal was paying off loans, I would pay it off, but life will get in the way and what will ultimately happen is that I will work for the people who loaned me money, and I'm not just talking about student loans. I will buy a house, right? More debt. Will probably need a car, more debt. This whole economy is running on debt. That's fine. I mean, it's not fine, but it is what it is. But like, the fact that this country has an infinite amount of debt should show you just how fucked up the situation really is."

"Don't curse."

"Sorry. Clearly, we are in a place where debt is king. But here's the problem, it's all bad debt! I'm not saying debt is the problem, but if the best-case scenario of what you do with that debt is earn an average wage that will barely be able to pay off that debt and all the other debts you have, then what the actual fuck?"

"Don't curse! You can get your ideas out without cursing."
"Sorry. Now contrast that with a small business loan or money from you."

"I'm not paying for it."

"Hypothetically speaking..."

"Tread lightly, counselor."

"The argument I'm making is that if I am going to take on debt, it's better to be of the variety with some upside. Let's face it, the way things are headed, with the amount of consumer debt out there, all for things that we deem good, the middle class will always be worse off. We will be poorer because all of our money is literally going to the banks, which are owned by rich people. The rich get richer, and everyone else is slowly worse off over time. Think about it. Grandpa was able to buy a house with one income! You and Mom both had to work, and the mortgage is still our biggest payment. Why is that? Think about it for me. My children are going to have to earn money before I can buy a house!"

"So what are you saying? What's the solution?"

"The solution is you have to gamble. And not just gamble, gamble big. If the only outcomes are you are so rich that you have no choice but to get richer or so poor that you have no way but to be poorer, you have to take big shots. You have to gamble. The system is designed to make you a gambler, and not a small-time gambler either, but a big-time one. That is the only way you can live a life where interest payments are not your biggest expense. That's my case."

"And your notion of a big gamble is ... a coffee shop?"

"Hey, first off, there is not one good coffee shop in this town. Two, we are literally selling a drug, the demand will be there. Three, if it takes off, we can start other small coffee shops in neighboring towns, and if it doesn't work, we learn a whole lot about running a business, which, I think, is probably the safest way to have a ton of upside. Ironically, it is the so-called riskiest proposition that is safest in the long term."
"But there are a million coffee shops out there."
"Not in this town, there is not one where you can go in and do work, or go hang out, or read. We have the gas station or the Starbucks 10 miles away. This is a no-brainer."

"Who reads at coffee shops?"
"People."
"No, they don't, people have jobs."
"You'd be surprised. And think about it, if we build it, we can build it however we want! We can get the strongest coffee beans, we can design it how we want, decorate it how we want, we can stock it full of board games, and people can come to play or hang out or meet. It will be so much fun!"

"Are you done?"
"Yeah, I'm done."

"Great, you're going to college."
"But Dad!"
"Let me say my piece. I don't disagree, you're right, debt is the main reason inequality exists, but when I look back on my life, college is one of the best times of my life. I know you are so smart and well-read, but you are still a kid, and I don't want to take what's left of your childhood away from you. It just doesn't make any sense. Go to college, have a girlfriend, have many, get rip-roaring drunk, wake up on lawns, and live a life worth talking about. You will make money, but the people you will meet along the journey, that's what's important. You're too smart for your own good. What I fear is that you do all of this, start this successful coffee empire, and you're all alone. You will always have us, and there will be plenty of upside left for you to chase when you graduate, but you will also have the time to be a kid. Because you can't do it when you're in your thirties, you have to do it now. And quite simply, I'm willing to pay for that. I am willing to pay for you to be a kid for a little bit longer."

"It's too risky."
"It is, but hey, aren't you the one telling me that you have to take risks in life? Big risks!"
"I guess I just don't see the upside."
"Of course you don't, because you're still a kid. If you could, you wouldn't just be a wisened adult, you'd be a god."

"I just don't know dad."
"It's not your job to know, it's mine, that's why they call me dad. And besides, you've never even lived on your own, you need that, not to mention me and your mother are thrilled at the prospect of you being gone for a little while."
"Okay, thrilled is a mean word."
"Thrilled! I'd pay a million if we could get you to Stanford today. Some things are more important than money, you'll learn that."
"You don't have a million bucks!"
"I'd borrow it!"

****Two Days Later****

"Well Mr. Baxter, I must say I was shocked to receive this small business loan application...for a coffee shop no less. I've known you for 20 years, are you sure you want to do this?"
"You gotta take risks in this life, Charlie, let me tell ya, and not just small ones, big ones!"