Hinduism for Dummies

It’s a rainy Monday morning in Manhattan. Ro wakes up to a text from Abi, his brother from another mother. Cousins, they call each other.

'Bhai, how are you? How is work?'

Abi lives in India, and Ro is the lucky golden goose that lives in America. The state of Ro's professional life is very important to Abi.

'Good bro, things are going well. Really hoping I can make it back to India this December.'
'Bhai, listen, we need to do a pooja for you.'
'What? Why?'
'It's important.'
'Says who?'
'The pundit that told you your future when you were here.'

'Bruh, that ain't me. I'm not going to be able to do it.'
'Bhai, just 30 minutes on a video call, it's a small request.'
'I'm not going to be able to do that.'

'It's important bhai. You know me, this is me telling you to do it, think about how important it is.'
'I think you're becoming the old man you were always going to be, telling young men to do poojas.'
'Bhai.'
'Sorry bro, this ain't me, I gotta get to work though.'

On Tuesday night Ro wakes up in a different apartment. There are snakes everywhere! This puts Ro in a state of pure panic, as he’s terrified of snakes. He doesn't know what to do so he climbs the counter. A large snake leaps on and attacks him.
Ro wakes up from his dream, back in his own apartment.

Ugh, the subconscious. Everything is fine in his life! He’s seeing a great girl, and his work is going fine. His fantasy football preparations are right on schedule. This puts Ro on edge for the rest of that night, but he’s calm by morning.

Thursday night Ro finds himself back in that apartment, snakes everywhere. This time he runs out of the apartment and sees someone in a beekeeper's outfit.

"There are snakes in my apartment! I'm terrified!"
"I can get them out, just give me a little time."

Ro walks back into the apartment a few minutes later. The snakes are gone. He walks the length of the apartment and finds a snake trapped in each one of the rooms.

"Don't worry, I will take them out of the house," the Beekeeper tells him.

Next thing he knew Ro’s in the apartment’s bedroom and the Beekeeper is in a tight black dress. She’s hot. The second Ro tries to touch her she breaks out in euphoria. Almost with an evil laugh. It looks like she has fangs. Ro goes for it anyway.
He wakes up.

Well, at least the snakes are gone. He turns off the A/C, takes a piss, and goes back to sleep. He oversleeps Friday morning by an hour and a half.

He texts Abi.

'You did the pooja without me, didn't you?'
'Yeah bhai, it was very important, we had to. You're in the clear.'
'Behenchode.'