Freshman Year

Seema had been a straight A student all her life. Yes she was smart but she was also very, very hard working. She always did her homework, always completed her projects on time, and always took the time to adequately study before tests. She never had to cram; she was often prepared for the test a few days in advance. She was every parent's dream. Her teachers loved her. Not only was Seema brilliant, but she was also helpful. She would volunteer to help her struggling classmates. She would volunteer to help set up any events the school would have. She would also volunteer to clean up. Whenever there was any opportunity to help in any way, Seema's hand would be the first one up. She wasn't the most social person but her classmates still adored her. How could they not?

Everything changed when she got to high school. Being a great student, she got into the best high school in her district. The courses were tough and there were a lot of them. She would spend 8 hours at school and then another four to five doing her homework. She was used to doing work but not this much work. She was also not used to taking shortcuts. She had never copied another person's paper; she was often the one being copied from. So while all the other kids were copying off of one another to survive, Seema was killing herself to do all the work by herself. She managed to get through the first couple of months of high school without a problem, but then it happened. Exams. She had four exams in the same week and she just did not have enough time to study for all of them the way she wanted. She cracked. It seemed as if her brain stopped working.

"What's wrong Seema?" asked her mom one night as Seema was getting home.
"I don't know," Seema replied.
"How is the studying going?"
"None of it makes any sense."
"What? What does that mean?"
"I don't know, I can't make any sense of it anymore."
"Why not?"
"I don't know."

Seema went to lie down and rest but she couldn't go to sleep. She was too worried about exams to sleep. She started crying because she didn't know what else to do. She felt scared. She felt alone. A little bit later her dad got home.

"What's wrong, beta?" her dad asked.
"I don't know," Seema replied.
"Why aren't you doing you're homework?"
"It doesn't make any sense."
"What do you mean?"
"I don't know how to do anything anymore. It doesn't make sense to me."
"But you have exams, this is not the time to lose focus," her dad was getting a bit agitated.
"It doesn't make sense. I tried reading the books but nothing sticks."
"What do you mean it doesn't make sense? You know how to read. You've been an ace student all you're life. What changed?"
"I don't know. I'm just tired."
"Ok. Well if you are tired then go to sleep. You can study when you wake up."
"I can't fall asleep. I'm going to fail all my exams," said Seema as she started to cry.
This went on for a bit. What is a parent to do? What really can you do? Seema wasn't a slacker, she wasn't faking it to get out of work. Her parents knew that. But at the same time she had to go school and pass her exams. Not only pass but do well. After all, colleges are going to look at these grades and getting into a good college can often be the difference between a great career and a mediocre one. Or at least that is what Seema's parents believed. It is also what the statistics showed. There was no physical problem. Seema was still physically capable of studying. She wasn't injured. But nothing new was registering in her brain. It was as if she had forgotten the ability to learn. What do you do when you're child loses the ability to learn?

Seema barely slept that night but she decided, with a little push from her parents, to go to school the next day. Her parents thought that this would all blow over in a couple of days. This was Seema after all, she will figure it out like she always does. Everything was going fine until her third period math class. Seema started thinking about her math exam later in the week and suddenly she couldn't breathe. Then she thought about all her other exams. What if she failed all of them? Who was she if she wasn't a good student? Why is this happening now? Her classmates were starting to look at her. She tried to stop the thoughts but they wouldn't stop. They just kept coming faster and faster. She was having a panic attack. She got up from her seat and tried to go to the bathroom but she collapsed as soon as she took a few steps. Immediately her math teacher, with the help of a few of her classmates, escorted a frenzied Seema to the nurse's office.

The school called Seema's parents and they rushed to the school. They found Seema resting in the nurse's office. As soon as she saw them, Semma started crying. Seema's mom started crying too. Before long Seema's parents were escorted to her guidance counselor's office.

"As you know, Seema suffered a panic attack today. It has also come to my attention that she has been having severe anxiety about school in general," said the guidance counselor.
"Yes, she feels overwhelmed with the amount of work that you guys are giving her," said Seema's father.
"Has she ever had any panic attacks in the past?" asked the counselor.
"No," replied her father.
"This happens sometimes with freshmen. They are not used to the high school workload. And Seema is a high achiever, so she is used to doing well. But now the courses are more challenging and it is harder to do well. She is having trouble dealing with the pressure."
"Why do you guys give her so much work? She is a child. Does she need to do 4 hours of homework after 8 hours of school? How is she supposed to have a life or get some sleep? " said Seema's mother with an aggressive tone.
"I can understand you're frustration. But this is a very challenging school. It is our job to prepare our students for college and the real world. We have to teach them, but we also have to push them so that they will be ready for the challenges to come," replied the counselor.
"I don't care what you are trying to do or about any other student. I care about my daughter. You need to tell me right now what you are going to do to fix this situation," replied Seema's mother.
"Yes of course. First of all I have asked Seema's teachers to move her exams back a week so that she will have more time to prepare. I have also set her up with a mental health counselor whom she will meet with twice a week. Hopefully this will put her back on track," said her counselor.
"And what if it doesn't?" asked her mother.
"Then we will revisit and try something new. Rest assured we want Seema to be happy and healthy as much as you do. We will do whatever it takes to get this right," said the counselor.

After the conversation Seema's parents took Seema back home and put her to bed. She was relieved to learn that her exams had been pushed back a few days but she still wasn't sure if shed ever be able to study properly again. She was, however, able to sleep.

"I told you not to send her to that school. I told you it would be too much for her, now look at what's happening," said Seema's mother, not having lost her aggressive tone.
"She wanted to go! What could I do?" replied her father.
"You didn't want her to go?"
"Of course I wanted her to go."
"That's why she went. She wants to make you happy. She wants to make you proud. That's why she does anything. And all you do is push her. Push push push. Well sometimes when you push people they break. Now she's breaking. What are you going to do now?"
"I don't know."
"That's right you don't know. You think everyone can push themselves like you push yourself. Well everyone else can't! They have limits. Not everyone can deal with tremendous amounts of pressure."
"But life has pressure! She has to learn to deal with this kind of pressure. This is just school, she hasn't even entered the real world yet. How is she going to do anything? Everything has pressure."
"Well her threshold for pressure is low. When will you get that? She is not built like you are. She is different."

This went on for a long time. The next couple of weeks weren't easy for Seema or her parents but they got through it. With the help of her mental health sessions and the additional study time she was able to take her exams. She eventually found her rhythm again and managed to do quite well on her exams. Her parents relaxed a bit. It seemed as if they had dodged a major bullet. But then a month later, with a series of exams less than a week away, the same thing happened again. Her brain went blank and she shut down. Once again her exams had to be pushed and it became a team effort to get Seema through them.

Seema's father had seen and heard enough. He was tired of seeing his daughter cry. He wanted to see her smile again. He was ready to pull her out of the difficult high school and transfer her to an easier one. But before doing that he thought he would try one more thing. Seema had wanted a dog ever since she was little girl. Her father had always said no because he knew he would have to be the one to take care of it. Everyone wants a dog till they have to clean up dog shit. Well, the next day he took Seema to a breeder and they brought home a baby Maltese. Seema named him Teddy. Seema smiled for the first time in months. For that instant, all her anxieties and worries took a back seat. She wasn't worried about grades, or her future, or her mental health. She was in the moment and she felt love. She felt loved.

Together Seema, her mental health counselor, her parents, and Teddy managed to get through the rest of her freshman year without having to change schools. She got good grades. Her parents figured that, if she could make it through one year at this school, she could probably handle another. Seema still had her anxieties from time to time and she still had trouble sleeping when exams piled up. But the lows weren't nearly as low as they were before. She knew that her mental health was something she would have to deal with for a long time. Maybe even the rest of her life. This was not one of those things that would just go away. This was her fight. This was her story. But she also knew that she wasn't alone in her fight. She had people in her life to help her up anytime that she fell. And she had Teddy anytime she needed to smile.