First Love

Love is everything. It is one of those things that govern everything that we do. It is as essential as the air that we breathe. It is involved in all of our activities. What we love is what makes us different from one another. Some people love their work. Others love their workouts. We all love our dogs. We love the delicious food that we eat. We love our phones. We love that first sip of coffee in the morning. We love our friends. Most of us love our families. And of course, we love our life partners. In just one lifetime, we are capable of so much love. We love so many things and yet most of us are amateurs when it comes to love. Just ask anyone for relationship advice. The more people you ask for advice, the more pieces of advice you will get. We are all shaped by our individual experiences with love. Some people meet the love of their lives when they are teenagers. They are the lucky ones. Others meet later in life. Some people go through a divorce. Others go through many divorces. Some people get arranged married and then fall in love. Others get arranged married and are miserable for the rest of their lives. Some people never find love. Some people find true love many times during their lives. Some people don't want love. The possibilities are truly endless. We all have different experiences with love. But what can't be denied is that our experience with love has a deep impact on the kind of people we become. That is the power of love. It changes us.

Ben was not a popular kid in high school. He wasn't great looking, he wasn't athletic, and he wasn't even a great student. His main hobby was hanging out with his friends after school and pretending to be cooler than he actually was. He was an average teenager. The thing he wanted most in life was a girlfriend. Not just any girlfriend, he wanted Priya. He had a crush on Priya ever since freshman year. Initially, he reached out through Facebook. They would talk a little bit every day but he never dared to ask her out. Eventually, Priya started dating another guy. The conversations slowed to a halt. Ben was bummed out but he didn't think too much of it. He never really thought he had a shot with Priya. After all, Priya was beautiful and popular. And he was just Ben.

Fast forward to the middle of sophomore year. Priya broke up with the other guy. By now Ben and Priya were floating in similar circles. Ben wasn't popular yet but he was starting to be popular adjacent. One day he was approached by his best friend Abdul after school.

"Yo, I think Priya likes you," said Abdul. Ben was stunned.
"Shut your ass," replied Ben.
"No seriously. I was just talking to her and Megna. She likes you, man." Megna and Priya were best friends.
"But like why?"
"Beats me. I think she thinks you're funny. And tall."
"But I'm not that funny."
"Yeah, but you are tall."
"That's true."
"You have to ask her out bro, you have been crushing on her forever."
"But we have such a nice unrequited love thing going on. Why ruin that?"
"Dude, I'm being serious here. The girl you are in love with likes you back. It's time for you to make a move."
"But like, how?"
"What do you mean how?"
"So I just walk up to her and ask her to hang out?"
"Yes."
"I can't do that."
"Why not?"
"I'm scared."
"Of what. She's going to say yes idiot."
"I don't trust you're intel."
"Are you going to spend the rest of your life being a coward?"
"That was the plan."
"Fine, just message her on Facebook."
"That I can do."

Later that evening Ben sent Priya a message. He kept it cordial, saying 'Hey, how's it going?' All he wanted was a response. She responded and there was a small back and forth before he asked her to hang out Friday after school. To his surprise, she agreed. The date was on. Ben's first date. He was actually going to go out with a real-life human girl. And not just any girl, Priya!

The day of the date came. Ben wore his nicest shirt and pair of jeans to school. The plan was to go on a walk with Priya by the river and get some dessert. His big move was to ask her to be his girlfriend. This was high school, after all, Ben thought that was the way things were done. That entire day he could not think about anything but the upcoming date. He wasn't excited per se. He was terrified. He thought about all the things that could go wrong. What if he smelled bad? What if she didn't like his shirt? What if she changed her mind about him? That he would understand. It was the longest school day of Ben's life.

At 3:30 pm, Ben walked out of school and went to the river. Priya was supposed to meet him there. Ten minutes passed, and still no Priya. Ben started panicking. He took a seat on a bench. He became reserved about the fact that she wasn't going to show up. Then someone tapped him on the shoulder.

"Hey Ben!" said Priya.
"Priya, hey. Good to see you," said Ben as he stood up. Who the fuck says 'good to see you?'
"You too. How are you?"
"I'm good. Great day for a walk right?"
"It's a little cold." It was a little cold.
"Yeah, you want my jacket?" Ben started to take off his jacket.
"No," said Priya with a laugh. "Thank you though."
"Yeah, should we start walking?"
"Sure."

They started their walk. Priya looked stunning. She had the face of a Bollywood actress and she was wearing all black. The more you looked at her the more beautiful she became. It was a cold autumn day and the wind by the river made it seem a lot colder than it was. It was an all-around awful date idea. Ben was immune to the cold. All he could think about was asking Priya to be his girlfriend. They walked for 30 minutes to the nearest mall. The conversation had a nice pace to it. It was clear that the two of them had chemistry. They laughed quite a bit. From a distance, they appeared to be good friends.

They got some frozen yogurt in the mall and continued their conversation. Ben still hadn't made his big move. They finished their yogurt and walked around the mall a bit longer. All Ben could think about was asking Priya to be his girlfriend but he just couldn't pull the trigger. He kept looking for the perfect opportunity but it never came. They proceeded out of the mall, and Priya had to go home. The two of them waited at the bus stop for Priya's bus. The bus was approaching. It was now or never.

"Hey Priya, can I ask you something?" asked Ben literally as the bus was pulling into the stop.
"Now? I'm just about to get on the bus," said Priya.
"Ok, another time I guess."
"Okay, bye Ben."
"Bye Priya." They hugged. She smelt great.

Priya got on the bus and inserted her MetroCard.

"No wait! Do you want to be my girlfriend?" blurted Ben up the bus steps.
"Yes," said Priya as she smiled. The bus doors closed and the bus drove off.

Ben was ecstatic! He couldn't believe what just happened. Wait, so he had a girlfriend now? And not just any girlfriend, but Priya! Was he cool now? This was a lot to process. Ben was so happy he started skipping. He literally skipped all the way to the subway. He could not wait to get back home, log onto Facebook, and resume conversing with Priya. Which is exactly what he did for that entire weekend.

Ben was over the moon. He finally had a girlfriend! He spent the majority of the next week messaging with Priya. When he was not talking to her, he was thinking about her. He was fully in love with her. They didn't have any classes together so he barely saw her during school. They hung out a few times after school but it never lasted more than 15 minutes. Plus Ben never knew what to say when they hung out in person. He always got shy and was unable to say anything of real substance. He saved all of his romantic talk for their online conversations. Boy was he an internet romantic. He would compliment Priya non-stop. He would call her the most beautiful woman in the world. He would talk nonstop about how amazing she was and how much he liked her. How thankful he was to be her boyfriend. He put all his effort into making sure that she knew just how much he was in love with her. He thought that the more he called her pretty and the more he complimented her the more likely she was to finally love him back. It was a noble thought. He was just being himself.

He asked Priya to hang out the following Friday. She said she couldn't because she had to go home early. When he got home on Friday he tried messaging her again. She didn't respond. Ben was distraught. For the first time in a week, he felt space between him and Priya. He started jumping to conclusions and decided that was unhealthy. She was probably just busy. He decided to take a nap. When he woke up he checked his computer. Still no messages but there was an email. It was from Priya.

Hey,

So I want to start off by saying that there is just so much going on in my life right now and I don't want to make you read through 4645645645 pages. You are a really nice and sweet guy but I don't think you want to be with me right now. Earlier today I was talking to a few of my so-called "friends" and they said some things that really pissed me off. I don't try to be a bitch but when someone pisses me off then I am going to be a bitch. Earlier this year you know I had a thing with Sam. I didn't like Sam but my friends pressured me to go out with him. So I did. But I never liked him. Now my friends think I am doing the same thing to you that I did to him. This pissed me off. Because I do like you. But I really don't know what I have in my life right now. I don't know if I can trust my friends. I know you're a nice guy but I think I should be boyfriendless and friendless for right now. I can't trust anyone. I am sorry and I know that you will probably hate me for this but I need this right now. I need to be just with me my elf and God. Just me and God, that is all I need. I am so sorry. It is not you're fault. We will still be friends when I'm ready.

-Priya

For all intents and purposes, that was the end of Ben and Priya's story. Ben tried to fight it, but you can not force yourself into someone's life who does not want you there. He was devastated. He was only 16 years old, and he did not yet possess the emotional maturity to deal with this. Now here was a kid that finally got a chance with the girl of his dreams only to have the rug pulled out from underneath him a week later. And during that week, he did everything possible to make sure that she was happy. He gave it his all and she broke his heart in exactly one week. How would you react? Would you be angry? Would you be sad? Would you be indifferent? No, you could not be indifferent. This is love we are talking about. If you choose to participate in the game of love, then indifference is not an option available to you. You have to care because love will affect you. It will change you. Not just for the time being either, it will change you forever.

Ben swore off relationships. He stopped believing in them.