Fasting - a free-write

I have spoken quite a bit in the past about the benefits of not drinking. This is quite simply because I enjoy drinking quite a bit. Maybe I like to engage in escapism? But what am I escaping? My life isn't perfect but it's pretty good. I don't have much to complain about. I think I picked up the drinking habit in college and it has stayed with me to this day. To its credit, drinking is great in social settings. Meeting and getting to know people is a difficult task and it gets harder the older you get. When you are younger, you have school. School is a great place to meet people. There are a lot of forced encounters and you only need a little bit of luck to have meaningful relationships. But what about when you are older? How do you meet people? Drinking and going out is one option, and it is a good one. It makes meeting new people a whole lot easier. It makes you less anxious and eliminates your fear of rejection. A good buzz can also give you more energy. It makes you friendlier. That is often all it takes to make a good first impression.

The problem with drinking, which also exists with most drugs, is that it is easy to get carried away. Although alcohol is not the most addictive of drugs, a lot of us chase the highs of a great night out. You know the ones I'm talking about. The ones where you meet someone great. Or you danced the night away. Or you laughed so much you were convinced you'd never been happier. Those nights. The hangovers are not so bad the next day. But then there are all the other nights, where the hangovers can often take away your ability to function the next day. That is no good. Everyone who drinks has had both of these kinds of nights. In an effort to keep myself in check, I go on month-long fasts where I take away all my vices (as perceived by me), and also eat a vegan diet. It serves as a reset for my body and it ensures, in a way, that I am not addicted to any of the things that I consider problematic. None of us are perfect, all of us have things that we do that are probably not the best for us. That's normal. And you should be able to enjoy all that life has to offer. There is no point in being an abstinent sober person if you are going to be miserable or be a dick about it. If you're doing it because you think it makes you better than everyone else then you are wrong. It is at simple as that. But everything should be done in some form of moderation. We should strive to achieve some balance. Fasting is my way of doing that. As I am in the middle of one of my fasting months right now, I feel it is appropriate to share some of the highlights of my experience. I have been doing these fasts for about three years now and I think they have actually made me a much healthier person. I believe in these fasts quite a bit and will attempt to list the very best benefits.

My brain is sharper during fasting months. I used to smoke a lot of weed. I used to think that it helped me think. It made me more creative. It makes sense, right? It seems that every rapper or pop star or creative person loves to smoke weed. So it's easy to get caught up in that narrative. But what is astonishing is how creative you can be sober. Maybe creative is not the right word. But there is beauty in being clear-minded. When you're able to think clearly, that is a high in and of itself. It usually takes a few weeks into the fast for me to get there, but when I get there it feels like I have a newfound superpower. You are more productive. You have more energy. When you're mind is clear you can see things for what they are. You can see people for who they are. Unlike fasts in the past, I did not keep myself from going out this time around. Instead, I went out more, I just did not drink or smoke. Was it harder to meet people? Yes. It was. Also sometimes when you are not drinking, it can put people off. Which is fine. Those who care, don't matter. Those who matter, don't care. But the best nights were actually the nights when I didn't talk to a single new person. I just talked to my friends. It made me appreciate them a whole lot more and made me realize how lucky I am to have them in my life.

My sleep has improved. I have always been a great sleeper. My trick is to have a huge meal right before bed. It puts me right to sleep and I usually sleep soundly till my alarm rings in the morning. But when I am drinking there are those mornings when I don't want to get out of bed. So I sleep through my alarm. Or I miss my boxing classes on Saturday mornings. That didn't happen this month. Even on nights when I went to bed late, I still woke up right on time. Even if I slept 6 hours, I was fine the next day. My brain was just as sharp. That was remarkable.

I saved some money. If I had stayed at home the whole month, I would have saved quite a bit more. On the other hand, if I was drinking, I would have spent a lot more. So in terms of bang for my buck, I got a lot out of the money that I did indeed spend. And to be honest, I don't think I missed out on anything that spectacular. Yeah, maybe there would have been a few great nights where I meet someone or I tore up a dance floor but I am ok missing that. I have done plenty of that. But what I cut out were the nights out where nothing is really happening and I am drinking just because there is nothing else to do. That is huge. It all adds up. Money is going to get spent, there is no getting around that. Especially with my taste and temperament. But these fasts help me realize where are the right places to spend my money and where are the wrong places.

I am fitter than I was three weeks ago. A lot of this has to do with less caloric intake. When you do not drink and eat a vegan diet, there are just not going to be as many calories consumed. Being vegan is by far the worst part of my fast. I don't miss chicken or cheese, but there are just so many fewer options when you go out. I have had a million fries this month. I eat avocado toast for breakfast every day. Every fucking day. I drink vegan protein shakes which are fucking disgusting. There really is no way to get a lot of protein otherwise. I have probably lost a few lbs but I am just as strong as I was at the beginning of the month. I have improved on some of my lifts, which I did not expect. I did not commit to eating healthy. As a matter of fact, I ate a lot of 'junk' food that was vegan. But it didn't matter, I could eat as much as I wanted and I will probably still lose weight. That is entirely due to not consuming any alcohol.

Every fast I gain some new deep insight. When I say deep insight, I mean of the spiritual variety. I learn about my weaknesses. Perhaps the greatest insight this fast for me has been my motivations. In the past three years, I have dated a lot. I had a fantastic time. And I did it with the intention of finding a girl to marry. This has led me to meet many great women and have lots of adventures. But this fast brought to the forefront the question 'Why?'. Keep in mind that I recently talked about motivations when it comes to wanting something. In order to get the things that we want it is often useful to know why we want those things. Why do I want to get married? The answer for me, if I am honest with myself, is this: I want to get married because it has always been what my parents have wanted for me. That, quite simply, is not a good enough reason. It is an external reason as opposed to an internal one. For as long as I can remember I have pictured a future for myself that involved a wife and kids. What I failed to realize was that I wasn't the one who put that picture in my head. It was my parents. Now I don't hold this against my parents. It is not their fault, they just did what they thought was best. But what they have to realize is that if I get married for the wrong reason, then I will likely be unhappy in that marriage. And I am not someone that handles misery well. It is a pretty good thing that I realized this. Now, I am not saying that this changes my future. It just means that I have more work to do to find out what I really want with my life. I am more than happy being single for the time being, it makes writing this blog a whole lot more fun and exciting. But I do think that long term I do want someone to grow old with. Why? Because I want to share my life with someone. I want someone to be there for all my highs and lows. Maybe that means marriage, maybe that means something else. I know I want kids. I want that experience for myself. I want to pass on my knowledge. I don't think the picture in my head is all that different. It's just the 'why' that is different, and that is a powerful thing. When you know what you want and why you want those things, life becomes a whole lot more simple. Everything becomes easier.