Edge

'Quad witching' is a term used in the stock market to describe a day when four different types of financial contracts expire simultaneously. It occurs four times a year, on the third Friday of the last month of every quarter. This is a conversation shared on one of those Fridays.

3:40 pm

Head Trader's Desk

"Guys, I mean it this time. No fucking videos for the next 20 minutes. No Netflix, no fucking HBO, no YouTube, nothing. If you're not trading it, sit on your hands and read the fucking bible!"

Trading Floor

"How am I supposed to turn the page if I'm sitting on my hands?"
"Shut the fuck up."
"I just don't get what the hoopla is about."
"Guys crush quad witching, that's all I need to know."

"So? Some random guy crushes some random thing every day."
"Yeah, but today is predictable."
"Wait, so you're telling me, there's about to be free money out there?"
"Shut the fuck up."
"Wait, should I have brought my bucket? Because I left it at home."
"Dude, seriously, shut the fuck up."
"Fuck! I forgot my bucket."

"What are you guys talking about?"
"It's about to rain money and I forgot my bucket at home."

"If you don't shut the fuck up..."

3:45 pm

"You see anything?"
"I'm reading the bible."

"TICK! Ticker Microsystems, holy shit!"
"What?"
"50 million share imbalance."
"Seriously?"
"Yeah."
"Up or down."
"Up."
"Fuck."

"It's already up 6 points."
"Fuck."
"Can't buy it here, can I?"
"What's the imbalance?"
"Still 48 million."
"What the actual fuck."

"This dude has 13 minutes to buy 48 million shares of this stock. How could I not buy it?'
"What's your out?"
"Fuck if I know. All I know is that this order needs to be filled."
"Fuck that, bruh."

"Fuck it, I'm long."
"How much?"
"All I can buy."
"Are you insane?"
"Honey, pack your bags, we're going to Hawaii this year."

3:50 pm

"What the actual fuck?"
"Shall I contact your agent to update him on your changing travel preferences?"
"Dude, shut the fuck up."
"Just hit out, bro."
"No fucking way, the imbalance is still at 48 million, it's going way higher."
"Really? Because you're three points out of the money."
"I'm not fucking selling."

"Honey, forget Hawaii, we're going to my parents’ house for Christmas."
"Fuck this, I'm buying more."
"Honey, can you ask your dad if he has a job for me at the coal mine?"
"Dude, shut the fuck up!"

Head Trader Desk

"Yo, can I get more buying power?"
"Now?!'
"Yeah, I'm buying more."
"You sure?"
"I don't have the time. Now, please?"
"Fine."

Trading Floor

"Bought more."
"I wonder if my bucket misses me?"

3:55 pm

"I'm 5 and a half out of the fucking money, how is this fucking possible."
"What's the imbalance?"
"Still 42 million."
"You have like 4 minutes."
"I know."

"I'm getting fucking smoked."
"What're you going to do?"
"I don't know."
"Just fucking sell it, bro, what are we even doing here?"
"I'm not selling till the close."
"Cool cool. Should I update your lawyer?"
"Dude, shut the fuck up."
"No, he should get started on your impending bankruptcy filing."
"It's going to work."
"It sure looks like it."
"Shut the fuck up, it's going to work."
"Ay, dios mio."

3:58 pm

"Holy shit."
"Did it just rip up 10 points?!"
"Fuck yeah!"
"What's the imbalance?"
"15 million. Sold it!"
"What the actual fuck."
"Whew, that was close."

"Dude, did you just fucking crush it?!"
"You know, I think I did."
"Seriously, can I come to Hawaii with you?"
"Nah, Hawaii is for winners."

"Bro, seriously, buy me a ticket."

4:00 pm

"Next time, I bring my bucket."