Dorm Crawl

"You guys ready for my next great idea?" asked Joe.
"I'm as ready as I'll ever be," replied Ronnie.
"By 'your idea' you mean the idea of you're middle-aged white male mentor?" added Nina.
"Yeah, like I said, my idea. Two words: Dorm Crawl," said Joe.
"What?" asked Ronnie.
"Dorm Crawl," replied Joe.
"Okay, you going to elaborate on that or are we just supposed to know what that means?" asked Nina.
"No, I'm just going to let it sit there in the ether in all its glory. Dorm Crawl," said Joe.
"You're an asshole," said Nina.
"Just tell us, bro," added Ronnie.
"Okay fine. It's a bar crawl but the "bars" are different dorm rooms. I say we set up 6 dorm rooms on campus, three in each building. You have to do a shot or a beer in each one of the rooms to complete the crawl. Then we party out in the quad or in the last room," said Joe. There was a pause.
"I have to give it to you Joe, when it comes to finding new ways to get fucked up you are a savant," said Ronnie.
"Thank you, my dear friend, that means a lot coming from you. A man can receive no higher compliment," said Joe extending his hand to Ronnie. Ronnie and Joe shook hands.
"If you spent as much time thinking about your school work as you do drinking you might actually get somewhere in life," said Nina.
"Eh, there's nowhere to get to. Do you like the idea or not?" asked Joe.
"I like it. I'm worried the RA's are going to bust it up though. Feel like it's going to be a lot of people in one room. That going to cause a lot of noise," replied Nina.
"Nina we have been partying in these dorms for almost two years now, have we been written up once?" asked Joe.
"No, but I'm not trying to push my luck," replied Nina.
"Exactly. I am not worried about the RA's. Plus the whole point of a crawl is that we are on the move the entire time. They'll never catch us," said Joe.
"I got a bad feeling about this," said Nina.
"But you're in, right?" asked Joe.
"Obviously," replied Nina.
"I'll alert the troops," said Ronnie.

They set the date for the following Friday. There were three dorm buildings on campus: the JRC, Yolley's, and Alpha&Beta. They set up the crawl so that two dorms in each building were stopped on the crawl. People could start wherever they wanted after 8pm on Friday but the goal was to have a drink in all 6 rooms. Some of the stops had only liquor while others had only beer. The dorms in Yooleys were the dancing dorms. Yooley's had the most lenient RAs, no one ever got written up there. It was perfect for louder music. As the night progressed the party would then naturally split into smaller parties in different dorms, maybe even out onto the quad.

Joe had a large network to work with on campus. It was easy to find people that wanted to host, everyone was always looking for an excuse to get fucked up. And hosting meant that the party came to you. Obviously, there was a larger chance of getting caught if you were the host but that fear did not stop anyone. To be fair, no one needed an excuse to get fucked up. This was a college campus after all, the whole point was to get fucked up and fornicate. But when you do the same things with the same people all the time a sense of dullness can set in. It can get boring and repetitive. You have to mix things up to keep things fresh and fun. The dorm crawl was a way to mix it up.

Getting alcohol was a bit more difficult. Their campus was a dry campus and everyone was under the age of 21. Joe did not have a fake ID. What he did have was an Indian friend who looked like he was in his mid-30s, his name was Rohit. Rohit never got carded at the liquor store nearby. Either because he looked like a middle-aged man or the store owners were Indian. Rohit would talk to the clerks in Hindi and the job would get done. Joe collected money from everyone he could and gave his order to Rohit. They bought 6 handles of Taaka, the worst vodka known to mankind. But also the cheapest. They also bought 3 cases of Coors Light.

Everything was set when Friday rolled around. The campus was buzzing with excitement. Every time Joe passed one of his fellow crawlers in the hallways they gave him the look. The look that meant "It was on!" later that night. At 8 pm Joe and Ronnie showed up at the Beta dorms to kick off their crawl. To their surprise, the first dorm only had a few people in it.

"Yo where are the people?" asked Joe.
"It's early man. Honestly I kind of like it like this. No chance of us getting caught," replied Ronnie.
"Ooof what is it with you guys and getting caught? It's not going to happen, I'm telling you," said Joe.
"Yeah especially with a turnout like this. Shots?" asked Ronnie.
"Shots?" replied Joe.
"Shots?"
"Shots?"
"Shots?"

The goal was to sound like a bunch of seagulls. They did two shots and went to the second dorm in Beta. There were a few more people at this stop. Joe and Ronnie did a few more shots and started talking to the girls they were crushing on. To say that sex is in the middle of all human endeavors is a gross oversimplification. But for college students, this is exactly the case. When they weren't talking about partying, Joe and Ronnie were talking about girls. Not to mention the whole point of partying was also to get with girls. Girls were on their minds every second of every day. The dorm crawl presented them with yet another opportunity to break through with the girls they had been crushing on.

The party progressed to the basement of the JRC. The next stop was Nina's room. Joe and Ronnie showed up with their newly found plus ones. When they knocked on the door all seemed well. You could hear people talking inside but it was manageable. The second the door opened a huge roar went through the room, the party planners had arrived. Joe and Ronnie walked into a room full of high-fives, hugs, and pats on the back. There were easily 50 people in the small dorm room and they were all fucked up. It was bedlam. A drunk Nina charged at Joe.

"Joe! I'm soooooo drunk! This is the best night everrrrr!" said Nina. She was in a state of pure euphoria.
"Nina, I can't believe I'm saying this but you have to kick some people out. There are too many people here," said Joe grabbing her by the shoulders.
"What? But these are my bestest friends in the world! I can't kick them out," said Nina.
"Do you know how we have avoided getting written up so far in our college careers? By avoiding situations just like this. You have to kick people out. They need to go to the next stop," said Joe.
"Joe, worried is not a good look on you," said Nina.

Joe tried to urge some people to move to the next stop but it was useless. Once the party train has started, it is impossible to stop. Everyone was in their own zone and there was no talking them out of it. Joe had to gather himself and come up with a plan. He went to the bathroom down the hallway. When he came back out of the bathroom the RA's were knocking on Nina's door.

Joe turned around and walked the other way. The worst case was happening. There were at least 50 people in Nina's room. There was alcohol everywhere. There was no escaping this situation. He went outside the building. He saw people running away from the JRC. He tried to see where they were running from. They were running from Nina's room! Nina's room had a small window in it that was ground level. Since her room was in the basement the window was half the size of a regular window. People were climbing out of the window! Joe rushed over to help people out. About 10 people had already climbed out, and Nina and her roommate still hadn't answered the door. The RAs were still knocking. More and more people were climbing out of the window. Then one of Joe's friends tried to climb out. But he couldn't get through the small window. He was stuck! Joe tried to help pull him out but it was no use. The window was simply not big enough.

Nina decided enough was enough. About 20 people had already left through the small window. Nina opened the door to the RAs and expected the worst. Their friend was still stuck in the window. Joe backed away from the window and went to Yolley's. Ronnie was already there when Joe got there. The word of the dorm crawl being busted had spread, and very few people were in the dorm room at Yolley's.

"Dude, how did you get out of there?" asked Joe.
"It was a mad house man. I was the first one out the window. I can't believe we escaped," replied Ronnie.
"Nina is still there man, I don't know what's going to happen."
"Well, we knew this was a risk. She's going to get written up. It's her first violation though, should just be a slap on the wrist."
"Fuck man, I feel so bad. I tried to get people to leave. The room was mobbed."
"Yeah, it was epic right up until the point that everything went wrong. We flew too close to the sun."
"Fuck, what do we do now?"
"Wait it out, she'll text us and we can head over once the RA's leave.'

Thirty minutes later, Nina sent a text. Joe and Ronnie went to her room immediately. Nina was the only one in the room. She seemed to have sobered up through the experience. They hugged it out.

"What happened?" asked Joe.
"We got written up for a noise violation," replied Nina.
"Just you two?" asked Joe, referring to Nina and her roommate.
"Yeah," replied Nina.
"We flew too close to the sun," added Ronnie.
"What happens now? What about the alcohol?" asked Joe.
"That's the thing. Nothing. It was kind of a warning. They didn't even address the alcohol. Basically, if I get written up again I have to go to the Conduct Board," replied Nina.
"But we leave this campus in a few weeks. Does it carry over to the main campus?" asked Joe. They were all going to be transferred to a different campus for their junior and senior years.
"It doesn't transfer over either! It was basically a slap on the wrist," replied Nina.
"You mean we got away with all of it?" asked Joe perplexed.
"It seems that way," replied Nina.
"Tubular," added Ronnie.
"Wait, where were you when the RAs came Joe?" asked Nina.
"In the bathroom," replied Joe with a smile.
"You really are the luckiest person alive," said Nina.
"I think we're all pretty lucky all things considered. Should we go see what else is going on now?" asked Joe.
"Think people are hanging out on the quad," added Ronnie.
"To the quad?" asked Joe.
"To the quad!" replied Nina.
"But first, shots?" added Ronnie.
"Shots?" asked Joe.
"Shots?" asked Nina.
"Shots?"
"Shots?"
"Shots?"
"Shots?