Don't Tell Mark

"Yeah, I was at Cecilia's place for the first time last weekend. I don't know man, I think she might be the one. I really like her," said Ron as he took a big gulp of his beer.
"Really? I wouldn't have pegged you for the relationship type," said Mark. He was smoking a cigar.
"I know, I haven't been serious about anyone since college. But I wouldn't say that's necessarily by choice."
"So what do you like about this girl? Besides the fact that she's Asian obviously." Mark was Asian. Ron was not.
"C'mon man, it's not like that."
"Ummm, I think it's exactly like that."
"I don't just like Asians! I am an equal opportunity employer when it comes to the fairer sex."
"Let's see. How many girlfriends did you have in college?"
"Three."
"The first one, where was she from?"
"China."
"The second?"
"Korea."
"The third?"
"Also Korea."
"You see where I'm going with this?"
"No. My girlfriend in high school was black!"
"How many Asians were in you're high school?"
"None."
"And when you filter for ethnicity on the dating apps, who do you filter for?''
"Asians. Ok, we get it, I might have a type."

There are sites out there that the world does not want you to know about. They are websites where people meet. Usually, where wealthier men like to meet younger women, but it's not limited to that. Boring people look down on these sites as something lowly and dirty. A more nuanced opinion is that these sites actually facilitate more honest connections. At least people are upfront about what they expect and what they want out of a 'relationship'. There is some virtue there. Ron and Cecilia met on one of these sites. He was 32, and she was 21. Ron was not proud of the fact that he had to pay to go on a date with Cecilia, but he did not mind it. Dating was not easy for him in Minneapolis. It did not help that he still lived with his mom. Or that he had an affinity for younger Asian women in a place that barely had any. He had the money, he was a software engineer at Microsoft. He tried dating the old-fashioned way for years, but he had little to no success. So he went dark, and he started to explore the part of the world that we all know exists but no one really likes to talk about. His fortunes were much different there. He thought he was home.

On their first date, Ron and Cecilia got drinks at a speakeasy. It was one of those places where you had to pay an exorbitant fee to be a member. Ron was a member. Cecilia was impressed. She came from a broken home and was as lost as a girl can be. At the tender age of 21, she was already divorced. She married a man that was in a wheelchair when she was 17. She divorced him at age 20 because he cheated on her. Yes, a man in a wheelchair cheated on her, the gorgeous young woman. If that doesn't fuck you up for life, nothing will. She had lived more in her 21 years than most people lived in a lifetime. She never wanted to be on those sites. But she didn't know what else to do. She had no real family, no one to count on. She also didn't have any skills, she was a college dropout. She monetized what she had, her looks. To her, it also wasn't a big deal. She didn't have to do anything she did not want to, and it was easy money. And it was a lot of money. The problem, of course, was that the guys she usually went out with were, for lack of a better word, unattractive. They were all in their 50s or older. She had to keep reminding herself how good the money was. That all changed when she met Ron. He was different. He wasn't old. He was just a nice guy. She liked that. They had a few drinks and a great conversation.

"So what do you like about her again?" asked Mark as he puffed his cigar.
"We connected man. She's been through a lot in her life and she doesn't hide it. I like that. I trust her," replied Ron.
"That's beautiful man, I had that with my ex too. It's great when you can really trust someone."
"Yeah, I haven't had that in a really long time. I don't want to get ahead of myself but I can see a future with this girl. But, one day at a time."

After their first date, Ron tried to schedule a second date but was unsuccessful. After a while, Cecilia simply stopped responding to his texts. Ron was a little hurt but it was nothing he hadn't dealt with before. He had built an immunity to being ghosted. It was just a part of the game. Six months later he reached out to her again out of the blue. To his surprise, Cecilia responded and agreed to meet a second time. This time they went to a co-ed spa together. They got massages and talked in the sauna. She told him she had a rule that she was not allowed to go on second dates with her 'clients.' But she made an exception for Ron because he was the only guy she thought was actually a decent human being. That meant a lot in her world. After the sauna, they took off their clothes and went into the coed shower. They hugged, touched, and cleaned each other. They kissed but they stopped there. Cecilia was not comfortable with more.

"Just be careful man, you know what happened with me and my ex, these girls can really break your heart," said Mark.
"Who you telling bruh? I've had my heart broken so many times I'm not sure it's even there anymore. I think I just have a black hole where my heart used to be," said Ron.
"I'll drink to that bro." They clinked glasses.
"You think you're over her yet?"
"My ex? Nah, not even close. There are days when I think I am but in the sober light of day, I know I'm not. That's why I drink."
"You'll get there bro. Everything gets better with time."
"I want to believe you. But what do you do when she tells you she wants the world with you but her family doesn't. They want a Chinese guy and you're not Chinese. Your Vietnamese. Your Asian, just not that type of Asian. What do you do? How do you get over that? We were together for five years. Five! And then one day out of the blue, 'We can't be together. My family does not want that for me.' How do you get over that? How do you trust again?"
"I don't know man. I don't know." Ron's phone started ringing. It was Cecilia.

On their third date, Ron and Cecilia went out to dinner. He took her to the nicest sushi restaurant in Minneapolis. They both got sloshed. She was really starting to like him. He was in love with her. She invited him back to her place. Her apartment was tiny but it was well-decorated. He was the first guy she ever brought back. She told him to wait in the living room while she went into the bedroom and closed the door. She walked out wearing lingerie. She looked immaculate. Ron seized the moment. They had sex three times. They cuddled the whole night. He left in the morning in a state of pure euphoria. All the shit he had been through, all the shitty dates, all the ghosting, all the bullshit that men have to deal with to get a girl that they like to actually like them back, this was what it was all for. He had finally met the one. He felt vindicated. He found love in a hopeless place.

"Hey," said Ron as he picked up his phone. He started talking to Cecilia. There was instantly a smile on his face. Mark ordered a shot for himself and took it by himself. Then he ordered another. Ron was still on his phone, happy as a clam.
"Yo bro," said Mark. "Can I talk to her?"
"What?" said Ron removing the phone from his ear and covering the bottom.
"Let me talk to her. I'm dying to know what she's like."
"Uhhh okay I guess," said Ron. He put the phone back to his ear. "My friend Mark wants to talk to you. He's cool people." Ron handed the phone to Mark.

Mark started talking to Cecilia. At first, everything seemed to be cordial. Ron was a little startled by the request but he did not think too much of it. Although he was going through a really tough time in his life, Mark was a good guy. Was he a little depressed? Sure. Did he drink too much? Yes, but who was Ron to make a comment on that. Ron and Mark were drinking buddies. Ron expected Mark to introduce himself to Cecilia and pass the phone back to him. But Mark did not pass the phone back. Instead, he got up and walked out of the bar with Ron's phone, talking to Cecilia the whole time. Ron was shocked. He didn't know what to do. He wasn't worried but this was still strange behavior from a friend he trusted. Ron decided to let it go. He ordered another drink and expected Mark back shortly. Mark did not return for 45 minutes. When he came back he handed the phone to Ron. Cecilia was still on the line.

"Hello?" said Ron.
"Hey, I'm not feeling so well. Have a good time out and I'll talk to you later," said Cecilia. Ron looked at Mark with a mercurial look on his face.
"Everything okay?" Ron asked.
"Yeah, just tired. Talk to you soon," replied Cecilia
"Ok bye," said Ron. Cecilia hung up.

Ron did not know what just happened. He had to get to the bottom of it.

"That was quite a conversation you guys must've had. What did you talk about?" asked Ron.
"Oh you know, all the things. Just got to know each other," replied Mark. What was he hiding?
"For 45 minutes? Cut the shit bro, what's going on?"
"Nothing man, we just talked. She seems like a really great girl for what it's worth."
"Yeah, she is." Ron could feel his temper rising. "I'm going to get some air. I'll be back."

Ron left the bar. He felt himself getting angry. Was he jealous? Why was Cecilia short with him after she got off the phone with Mark? He decided to take a walk around the block. What could Mark and Cecilia have talked about for 45 minutes? He knew Mark fancied himself as a small-town playboy. Mark loved beautiful women, but they did not always love him back. Whenever they went out, Mark would spend hundreds of dollars trying to impress and court women. Sometimes he was successful. Ron always thought it was all an act. Mark was trying to make himself look bigger than he actually was. He was overcompensating for something, but Ron could never tell what. Maybe he was just very, very depressed. People do weird things when they are depressed. But never in his wildest dreams did Ron expect Mark to go after a girl he was interested in. You don't do that to your close friends. There is honor among thieves, right?

Needless to say, Ron was not in the mood to stay out that night, especially not with Mark. He walked back into the bar and paid for his drinks. He bid farewell to Mark and went home. A few days later he reached out to Cecilia. She didn't pick up his call. He texted her. She texted him a day later. They conversed a bit but she was hesitant to hang out with him again. What the fuck did Mark say? He could feel a newfound void between him and Cecilia. A void that had not been there before her conversation with Mark. Ron did not know what to do. All his hopes and dreams were burning down right in front of him and he couldn't do a damn thing about it. He responded with extreme stoicism. He had been there before, many times. Maybe the circumstances were different but the feelings were the same. Hello, darkness, my old friend. It was funny in a way. He should have known to have his guard up just as things were starting to look easy breezy. Things were never easy for him, never. He reached out to Cecilia again a few days later. No response. She texted him a few days later saying she needed some space.

A few weeks later, Mark reached out to Ron. He wanted to get drinks at their usual speakeasy. Ron agreed, to his own surprise. He and Cecilia were effectively over. When he got to the speakeasy, Mark was already there. They ordered drinks and cigars, just like they usually did. Once the pleasantries were out of the way Ron decided the moment was right to confront Mark on everything that had gone down.

"All I want to know is why?" asked Ron.
"Why what?" replied Mark.
"Why did you hit on Cecilia? Why her? You knew how I felt about her."
"I didn't mean to man. Honestly, I didn't. But once I got on the phone I guess my ego just got the better of me. I'm really sorry dude."
"I just don't get it. Were you jealous of me? How long have you known me? Three years? During that time I've met one girl that I really like that actually likes me back. One! And then you do this? Why? Do you think because work is going great for me and I finally got a hot Asian girl that my life is perfect? Dude, I still go home and wipe my grandmother after she uses the bathroom. That's my reality too. I thought you knew that. I trusted you man. And you broke that trust."
"I'm really sorry dude. I know it wasn't right. I know I was in the wrong. I know I'm a horrible person."
"You're not a horrible person. You just did a really fucked up thing. At first, I was angry. I was really fucking angry. But what the fuck is that going to do? So I calmed down. I still value you as a friend. We have had a lot of good times together but god damn I am not going to be able to forget this for a long, long time. Why did you do it? You knew what you were doing, tell me why?"
"Ok this is not an excuse, but something did happen to me recently that has been weighing on my heart that I haven't told you. My grandmother passed away a few weeks ago. I've been going through a lot on the inside."
"Why didn't you tell me before?"
"I don't know. I just don't know how to deal with grief anymore. There has been just so much of it recently for me. First with my ex and now this. I'm just spiraling and I don't know how to stop it. I'm lost, man. I'm stranded at sea and I'm drowning."
"Well, first of all, you should have told me. That's what friends are for. Secondly, have you tried therapy?"
"No."
"Try it. I kind of used to feel the same way. I felt lost. I didn't like the person I was becoming. I needed someone to talk to. So I tried it. It helped. It made me realize my patterns and showed me that I was not alone in what I was going through. That perspective helped a ton."
"I'll pretty much try anything at this point."
"I've been there. Shit, I might still be there. It's worth a shot at least."
"Ok. I'm really sorry again man. I'm sorry I tanked your relationship."
"It's alright man. There will be others. If we were meant to be together, neither you nor anyone else would be able to tank it. I still believe in love. Somehow I'm still relentlessly positive."
"Still? After all the shit you've been through?"
"Because man. Because of all the shit I've been through."