Deep Emotional Connection

"I'm coming! I'm coming! I'm coming!" yelled Carmen.

She was indeed coming. Mark was a little taken aback. It came out of nowhere, no pun intended. Carmen had been pretty quiet the entire time. Very few groans even. Then out of nowhere "I'm coming! I'm coming! I'm coming!" She called before she came. Mark loved it. More girls should do that. No, everyone should do that every time they come. It makes the other person feel good! Isn't that what sex is all about? At that moment, Mark could not recall a better moment in his entire life. He felt on top of the world. Carmen felt something similar. A few minutes later Mark came as well. He didn't say "I'm coming!" He simply let out a huge grunt. Something along the lines of "ARGHHHHHHHHHH." Then it was done.

Carmen and Mark met at a networking event during the summer. He was wearing a flamboyant button-up half-shirt. She was wearing Jordan Ones. He was talking to a group of coders, and she joined the circle. Immediately the attention shifted to her, she had that power. She was beautiful. Average height, pretty face, slender build, curly hair, and glasses. Yes, the glasses were the killer. She also had a warm smile. A man could fall in love with that smile alone. Carmen complimented Mark on his shirt. Mark complimented Carmen on her shoes. Mark was no slouch himself. He was tall, lean, and tan, with a decent head of black hair that was neatly combed. The two hit it off instantly. Are people allowed to flirt at networking events? Carman and Mark didn't care, they were flirting outright. Carmen was a savant. She had a button on the back of her phone that could transfer her contact info easily to another person. All Mark had to do was hover his camera over the button. And just like that he had Carmen's phone number. The contact also came with a photo of her. Very convenient. He texted her his phone number. The two of them talked a little bit longer but then started "networking" with other people. A few hours later, Mark had to leave. He made sure to run into Carmen on his way out. They said their goodbyes. She was smiling from ear to ear. He wanted to hug her goodbye but didn't. Why didn't he? Why is everything so much fucking harder when you like the other person?

"I feel like I am an old man trapped in a young man's body," said Mark. He was smiling. They were laying next to each other.
"What?" asked Carmen with a perplexed yet joyous look on her face. They started cuddling. Her face was resting on his chest.
"That was a lot for me, quite tiring."
"Stop it, you seemed just fine to me."
"Let's just say you bring it out of me."
"Uh-huh. I could fall asleep here."
"Do it. My bed is your bed."
"You know I can't. I have a flight at 6 am and I have no clean underwear. I have to do laundry."
"Just buy new underwear."
"I haven't done laundry for three weeks. I literally have no clothes."
"So you have to go?"
"I have to go."
"Okay."
"But first we nap."
"Yes, let's." He pulled her closer.

Their first date wasn't for a few months after their first meeting. Mark texted her the next day. She invited him out to a group hang. He didn't think it was a good idea. He had been there before. A beautiful woman invites you to a group hang. Turns out it's just you, eleven other dudes, and the woman. You are now a contestant on the Bachelorette. You spend the whole night trying to get some alone with the woman only to realize that moment is never coming. It is a waste of time. He was interested in Carmen. He did not want to be friends with her. He did not want to be one of her groupies. He politely passed on the group hang. He texted her the next morning to see how her night went. She said it went well. He asked her a follow-up question. No response. He left it at that. He figured she wasn't interested at that point in time. A few months later he texted her out of the blue and flat-out asked her out. To his surprise, she said yes. They both worked in the same area so they got drinks after work one night. The chemistry was still there. After a few drinks, he took her to his favorite live music spot. The band was good but no one was dancing. People were mostly standing around. He told her he would dance with her anytime she wanted, but he understood if she was too shy. She said she wasn't that shy. They danced. Soon afterward they were making out. They made out the rest of that date.

"Oh the game is starting," said Mark as he was checking his phone. He pretended to nap but couldn't. His Packers were about to play for their playoff lives.
"Five more minutes," said Carmen. She hadn't slept a wink. She just liked being close to Mark.
"Ten."
"Ten."

Their second date was a week after the first. Carmen had mentioned on their first date that she was a bad dancer. She tried to learn, and her mother was a great dancer, but she could never really develop the skill. So Mark suggested a dance class for their second date. It was at a Latin club. They both dressed up for it. Mark put on a jacket. Carmen put on a red dress. There is something about the color red. When a woman is wearing red, you can not take your eyes off her. They looked like the perfect couple. They learned how to salsa. It was hard. Mark was a decent dancer but he had never learned any of the Latin dances. He picked it up quickly though. Carmen took a little bit longer to learn the routine, she was not the most coordinated. But eventually, she picked it up. The class involved changing dance partners constantly. Mark hated that. He only wanted to dance with Carmen. He was glad when the class portion of the night ended and the club opened up into a Latin night. It had been one of Carmen's dreams to put on a great cocktail dress and go to a Latin club and dance. Mark made her dream a reality. They drank, they made out, and they danced the night away.

"Okay, I really have to go now," said Carmen. She didn't want to get out of bed but knew she had to.
"Okay, if you have to then you have to," replied Mark. They started getting up. "I'll call you an Uber."
"You don't have to do that," she said as she put her underwear on.
"That's a good look on you. Panties, no bra." He called an Uber.
"You think I should wear this out?"
"No, I think you should save it for me." She laughed.
"What are you going to do now?"
"Watch the game, what else?"
"The game, right."
"And you have to do laundry." He checked his phone. "Crap it's one minute out."
"Shit." She hurriedly put on the rest of her clothes.
"Text me when you get home," he said as he escorted her to her car.
"I will, thanks for everything." They kissed. She got in the car. "I left you a gift on your living room table."

Their third date was almost two months after the second. Mark traveled every December and was gone for all of that month. They tried to get together before he left but Carmen got sick. Mark tried to keep in touch but that proved difficult. It would be too much to reach out every day, they were still in the early stages of dating. Once a week felt like too little. He tried reaching out once every couple of days. He would send her pictures of his travels. She also traveled a little during the holidays and kept him in the loop. Two months is a long time to go between dates. When Mark returned from his travels, he was eager to see Carmen. They made plans to get coffee and go on a walk through a park. It was quite a romantic date, they found themselves all alone strolling through the park. They came upon a lake and decided to sit down. The second they sat down they were kissing. They could not keep their hands off of each other. They smoked a joint and continued to make out. They resumed their walk out of the park. As they got out of the park Carmen told Mark that she had a flight to catch the next morning but she had a few hours if "there was something he wanted to do." He quickly called a cab and the two of them went back to his place. They had sex. He came rather quickly the first time. They had sex again. "I'm coming! I'm coming! I'm coming!"

Carmen left a joint for Mark. Nice touch. She texted him when she got home. He replied and told her he had a great time. She shared the sentiment. He watched the Packers lose and blow their chances at the playoffs. She got on a plane the next day and flew to LA. He waited a few days to reach out again. When he did Carmen was swamped with work. He waited a few more days and tried to set something up for the following weekend. She sent the following response via text.

'Hey Mark, I have to be honest with you. I think you're great but at this point, I don't feel a deep emotional connection. Do you get where I am coming from?"

He did not get where she was coming from. He sent the following reply.

'Um what?' - Mark
'At this point in my life, when I am dating someone I am looking for a deep emotional connection. I have had a great time getting to know you and spending time with you but I just don't feel that connection.' - Carmen

Well shit. He did not see this one coming.

'While I do think that deep emotional connections take time to form I do not want you to go against you're instincts. I have enjoyed getting to know you as well and wish you nothing but the best.' - Mark
'Thank you for understanding. I really did enjoy getting to know you but I had to be honest when I just wasn't feeling it.'- Carmen
"I totally get it, I had a blast as well.' - Mark

A deep emotional connection? What exactly is that? On some level, Mark understood. Carmen was looking for someone to settle down with. She had probably done the whole casual dating thing and decided it wasn't for her. If Mark was honest with himself, he knew that he hadn't given his all to Carmen. He did everything by the book, but he didn't put his heart out there. He couldn't. He had just gotten out of a relationship, and he didn't want to jump into another one. Carmen, intelligently, figured this out without once talking about it. The clues were there from the start. All you have to do is pay attention to the things people do not say. He never talked about relationships, marriage, settling down, kids, or a family. He wasn't looking for a partner, he was looking for a moment. Or maybe a few moments. And she picked up on it.

Women are much smarter than men, and much stronger too. Especially when it comes to relationships. That is why a woman takes her time to give her heart to any man. You have to be careful because once you give your heart it cannot be taken back. You have to make sure that you are giving you're heart to someone who will cherish it and take care of it. But how do you make sure of that? Well, a good start is knowing what you want. When you know what you are looking for it becomes easier to find because it is easier to identify where it is not. Mark and Carmen might be compatible but the timing was not right. They were looking for completely different things and that is okay.

Now Mark had a decision to make. He was not oblivious to the situation. He knew that if he pushed he could probably see where things went with Carmen. As a matter of fact, she was begging him to push for it. She wanted him to come after her. To fight back. To show her how he really felt. If he really cared about her, he wouldn't let Carmen leave just like that. He couldn't. He would push for one more meeting, just one more. That is what love is all about. If everyone stopped at the first sign of incompatibility most love stories would have never been written. It is the trials and tribulations that cause the deep emotional connections that we seek, not a smooth ride. Mark knew this, and now he had a choice to make. Does he let Carmen go, or does he push back? Is the story over or is it just beginning?

What is a man to do?