Costa Coffee

Just as I sit down for my first sip:
"Excuse me! You'll get a ticket if you park there."
"What’s that?"
"A ticket, that spot is for motorcycles only." An elderly woman says in a rather posh accent as she points to the sign behind him. She appears comfortable, yet alert.
"Ah! Thank you, ma’am."
"No problem at all!" she says as her benefactor offers one more curt nod, gets back in his car, and drives away.

Three sips later:
A group of youngsters plop down on the outdoor table next to hers. The kids, all about 15 years old, pull out their vapes and cigarettes and start puffing away.

One sip later:
"Excuse me! You can't park there!"
"Pardon?" asks another man as he exits his car.
"That spot is for bikes only! You'll get a ticket," she says as she points to the sign.
"Oh my! I totally missed that, didn't I? Cheers."
"Oh, it's no trouble at all!"

Two sips later:
"Excuse me! You can't park there.' ...and as the woman carries out the same quick conversation with another man in his car…over at the table next to her…

"Bruv, will this lady shut the fuck up?"
"Not likely mate."
"Leave her alone Alan, she's not harming anyone." A girl sitting next to “Alan” says. They could be an item. It’s not entirely clear.

"She's giving me an aneurysm."
"Wouldn't you have to have a brain to have an aneurysm?"
"You don't think I have a brain?"
"No, I know you don't have one."
"Ah Michelle, when will you learn?"
"Learn what, exactly? Whatever it is, before you, I’m sure."
"Watch this." He triumphantly puts out his cigarette and rises from his seat.

"Excuse me, madam, may I bend your ear for a moment?" Alan’s voice drips with sarcasm.
"Well, of course, how can I help you?" the woman appears blissfully unaware.
"Well, madam, me and my group of esteemed colleagues couldn't help but notice that you are a very helpful person!"
"Why yes, I try to do my part!"
"Ah yes, you certainly do. I just seem to have one question. Why?"
"Why?!"
"Yes, why? Why must you go out of your way to help these hapless blokes?"
"Because it is the right thing to do."
"Is it now? Did they ask for your help?"
"Well, of course not! I am simply trying to save them some money."
"Yes, but who asked you to do that?"
"Why, no one!"
"Precisely! No one!"

Two or three sips have been consumed during the conversation so far, I’ve lost count:
"I have to say, young man, I do not care for this line of questioning."
"And I, madam, don't care for your noise pollution every time someone attempts to park in that open space. I, for one, think that, perhaps, the people who park there deserve to get a ticket! There is a sign there, after all. If they fail to read it, that is their fault. And the ticket will serve as a lesson for them in the future. Because you ain’t gonna be there for them every time they park somewhere, are ya?" Alan’s budding cockney dialect is starting to show itself.
"No, I obviously cannot."
"Right, so all that you’re doing is delaying the inevitable. You are, in fact, depriving those drivers of a valuable life lesson. You might even be costing them money! With inflation and all that.”

"Awww bugger off will ya. I'm just trying to help." Now the woman’s posh façade is a distant memory too.
"Something to think about, madam."
"I will not be thinking about anything from a vape-riddled juvenile delinquent!"
"Ah yes, name-calling, the recluse of the intellectually defeated. As you were madam, thank you for your time."

Alan returns to his table. The woman rises from her seat in a tizzy and walks away from the coffee shop.

"Call me a neurosurgeon because I cured an aneurysm."
"All I saw was you making an ass of yourself."

"So what time do I pick you up tonight, 8 works for me."
"How about 5 after....never."

As I savor my final sip:
Another car parks at the bike-only space. The driver exits and walks off in a mad rush.

As I toss out my cup and go on about my day:
A policeman walks by, promptly writes a ticket, and leaves it on the dashboard.