Commitment

"You know what's weird?"
"Wat?"
"So I go on all these Zoom interviews with insurance companies and they'll always talk about new clients as a ‘piece of business.’ ‘So I was talking to my colleague about this piece of business.’ ‘So I brought in this piece of business.’ ‘Say, you and your friend want to go in together on a piece of business?’ Like it’s weird sounding, isn't it? ‘A piece of business.’"
"Now that you mention it, it is a little..."
"Sexual, right?"
"Oh my god yes! Did you just read my mind?"
"Piece of business is dangerously close to a..."
"Piece of ass!"
"Yes! Exactly!"
"Piece of business…You're a piece of business."
"Aww, you're a piece of business."
"No, you're a piece of business!"

"It is crazy how when you begin to spend a lot of time with someone, you basically start to think the same thoughts."
"Literally get out of my head."
"No, you get out of my head!"
"I will not! I like it there, it's got a walk-in closet and the views are to die for. "
"They really are, but don't go looking for skeletons."
"Who is she?!"
"The better question is who isn't she? You know what I mean?"
"Wat!"
"I digress. Like I was saying, I don't normally think we spend a lot of time together. Two or three days a week maybe. Right? But then you add that up over the months and months and it's like...damn, we've spent a shit ton of time together."

"So we're doing math again?"
"Bb, I'm always doing math."

"You're a piece of business."
"You know what, I'm going to do you a solid."
"Do me on it."
"I'm deleting the apps!"
"What apps?"
"The dating apps, what else?"
"You're still on those?!"
"Not like actively, but they're still on my phone."
"They are?"
"They are."
"Fa what, fa who?"
"Fa me, for the second family I'm going to start in the Philippines."
"So THAT’S why you never take me to the Philippines!"
"Yes, because all my dating apps have my location set to Bangkok."
"That's Thailand..."
"You're Thailand."
"And THAT’S why you never take me to Thailand!"

"All right, here goes. Goodbye Hinge, I'll miss you. You always came through when I needed you most. You were consistent and reliable. Goodbye Tinder, we burned bright for a moment there. We had a lot of good times, not as many as I'd like, but still enough. And now you're all grown up with a massive marketing budget and great meet cute ads. You're better off without me. Goodbye Bumble, when I first met you, I knew you were the one for me. Every time I heard from you, I knew I had a shot. And what more can a boy ask for? A chip and a chair, any more would be far too much. No....don't cry. It's not you, it's me...and done! Bb, I'm all yours!"

"HA!"
"Don't HA me."
"HA!"
"I HA you!"
"HA! The thought of you just now being mine is just HAlarious."
"What do you mean?"
"Honey, you've been mine for quite a while now."
"No, I haven't."
"You have."

"Ugh, you trapped me with your trap card, didn't you?"
"I trapped you with my trap card. A1 since day one."

"Mmmm, barbecue."
"I could eat."

"So do we think I should become an insurance salesman? I would get to say 'piece of business.'"
"Oooh would I be your first piece of business?"
"Step into my office pretty lady, let me tell you about disability insurance."