Anton and Seema

Anton was in love with Seema the second he saw her. He was sitting in the back row of freshman orientation, she was presenting on stage. She was a sophomore and a leader on campus. The high achieving type. Super involved in campus activities, always had a smile on her face, and, oh yeah, downright smoking hot. Short, curvy, with the prettiest doll face you ever did see. They say that beauty kills, well Anton was dead the second he laid eyes on Seema. He decided right then and there that he would do whatever it took to get to know, and hopefully ask out, Seema. His campus had only 900 students, only freshmen and sophomores, so it couldn't be that hard to run into her if he put his mind to it. Yes, she was older but she wasn't that much older. All he needed was a shot.

Now Anton was a freshman in every sense of the word. He was new to everything. New to college, new to freedom, new to women. He had lived with his very strict and conservative parents till now. He was excited to be 2000 miles from home. Free to live his life how he wanted without anyone trying to control him or tell him what to do. And he knew what he wanted. He wanted to party and he wanted women. Very normal for a boy his age. He hadn't dated much until now. Sure he had his flings in high school but they had never gotten serious. His first girlfriend dumped him after two weeks through email, and he never quite recovered from that. After that, Anton didn't let himself get close emotionally to any woman. He was afraid of getting hurt again. Now women did like him, he wasn't bad looking. And he was fun! He was a good dancer and people loved spending time with him. He was a good talker and some might even call him funny. But women were still a mystery to him. He wasn't a virgin but he was still quite insecure. He felt he wasn't experienced enough. He wanted to change that in college.

Anton hit the ground running in college. Within a few weeks, he had a thriving social circle. Not only was he popular for the first time in his life, but he was also in demand. Women wanted to get to know him. They hung around him all the time. Two of his newfound best friends were women. But he still hadn't said one word to Seema. Sure he had seen her around campus but he never dared to go up to her and talk to her. Why can't you ever say anything to the people you really like? Why is life so cruel?

That all changed at the club fair. All the clubs on campus had made stands to recruit new members. Anton went to the club fair with his friends and there she was. Seema was wearing a shirt that said Circle K and she was standing with a group of sophomores wearing the same shirt. Anton knew all about Circle K. He knew that it was a co-ed social club. He knew Seema was the president, because of course she was. Well, Seema was about to know a whole lot more of him. Anton made his move.

"Hey. What's this club about?" asked Anton trying to seem cool. What he meant to say was "I love you, have my babies please."
"Hey! We're Circle K. The best social club on campus" replied Seema with that iconic smile. God, she was so pretty.
"Social club? What's that?" Anton knew what social clubs were.
"Well since our campus doesn't have fraternities or sororities, we have social clubs. We do a lot of cool stuff. We throw two tavern parties a year, we volunteer, and we hang out a ton. It's a great way to meet a lot of cool people and stay engaged on campus."
"Wow, that sounds great! How do I go about joining this awesome club?"
"Well just put your name and email down on this paper and we will reach out about a mixer. You come to the mixer and then, if you make the cut, you get invited to 'tap in'. Once you do that, you're a member!" She handed him the sign-up sheet.
"What's this 'tap in' process like?"
"Well, it's kind of like pledging but we're not allowed to call it that. You learn all about the club and its members and its history. You get to know more about us and we get to know more about you. It's not an easy process but you grow close with the people you are 'tapping in' with. All my best friends 'tapped in' with me!"
"Well, I'm sold. I'll sign up." He wrote his name and email on the sheet.
"Great!"

This was Anton's master plan. He was going to join Circle K, spend lots and lots of time with Seema, she would fall madly in love with him, and the two of them would live happily ever after. As far as plans go, it was not a bad one. Proximity plus time equals love. Not a bad formula. Anton also got all of his newfound best friends to sign up for Circle K. Everything was coming together. The whole thing read like the script for a Disney movie. Then came the night of the mixer.

The mixer was not on campus, it was actually at a house 40 minutes from campus. The leaders of the social club had arranged for rides to the house. Anton was super excited, he couldn't wait to get some more face time with Seema. When he got to the mixer he was pleasantly surprised that the mixer was more of a party. People were getting drunk. Like really drunk. But Seema was nowhere to be found. Now Anton was no stranger to drinking, but he did not yet know his limits. That night Anton drank like he had no limits. Can you blame him? He was caught up in all the excitement and was surrounded by all his newly found best friends. He had unlimited freedom. He was meeting so many cool people. He couldn't be happier. Shots. Beer. Jungle juice. Before he knew it the room started to spin and he was making out with a toilet.

In his drunken stupor, he started to cry. Two of his friends were tending to him, making sure he was okay. But he was not okay. He thought he was going to die. Worse, he thought he had blown his chance with Circle K. He had blown his chance with Seema. He fell asleep at the off-campus house that night. When he woke up, he saw Seema and another girl sleeping on the same couch as him. They all woke up.

"What happened last night?" asked a still-drunk Anton.
"You got hammered!" said Seema with a laugh. Even waking up she was just as gorgeous. Not fair.
"Why am I still here?" asked Anton.
"Well, we thought it would be best if you stayed here, you can ride back with us in a bit. But we do have to go to this volunteering thing first," said Seema. "Volunteering?""Yeah, we're helping out at Piedmont Park. You're coming."
"Yes ma'am. Did I make a mess last night?"
"No, surprisingly you made it to the toilet just in time. No mess. You were hilarious tho."
"Oh no. What did I say?"
"You were crying and worried that none of us would like you! You were worried you wouldn't make the cut. It was so cute."
"Well, this is just about my worst nightmare. I think it's best if we never speak of last night again."
"Relax, it was cute. We've all been there. You've got nothing to worry about."

Anton was sure he had blown it with Circle K. There went his chances with Seema. Never mind the fact that Seema was clearly into him. That day he managed to muster up the energy to volunteer. It wasn't a hard job, all they had to do was hand out water. Anton did his part and soon he was riding back to campus with Seema and two other sophomores. He avoided all conversation during the car ride back. He was still too embarrassed and tired to speak. When he got back to campus he went straight to sleep and awaited the dreaded email that said he didn't make the cut.

Well, that email never came. Instead, he got an email inviting him to another Circle K meeting. All his friends that signed up with him also received the email. When he showed up to the meeting a day later he sat down in a room filled with 15 freshmen. Then the members of Circle K walked in and Seema addressed the room.

"Congratulations! You are all invited to 'tap in' to Circle K!" A cheer went throughout the room. Anton couldn't believe he had made the cut. "Now I know you are all excited but this is just the beginning of your journey. 'Tap-ins' have rules that must be followed. Not following these rules will result in punishment. The rules are no drinking, no drugs, and no sex for the entirety of the 'tapping in' process. If we find out any of you has broken a rule, and we will find out, you will all be punished. Today is a day for celebration, but the hard work of 'tapping in' starts tomorrow."

Anton was in disbelief. He looked over at his friends and they all had mixed emotions. On the one hand, they were happy to have made the cut. On the other, the rules were very strict. Not to mention unfair. These were college freshmen after all. If they wanted to be sober they could have stayed at home. They were here to party and fornicate. Anton, along with the rest of his 'line'(a term referring to the entire group of 'tap-ins'), figured these were just loose rules said tongue and cheek. Boy was he wrong.

Tapping in had three parts to it: education, participation, and obedience. Every night they would be given the names of members from the years prior. They had to memorize these names and had to be able to recite them. Every night the entire 'line' was called to some dark part of campus and asked to recite the lines that they had learned. If one person made a mistake, they all made a mistake. They would all be punished. The punishments were not bad. Sometimes you got yelled at. Sometimes you had to do squats or pushups. Nothing too severe. Learning the lines was not hard the hard part. Reciting them under pressure was a bit more difficult but still manageable. But then there were the rules. It was hard enough balancing schoolwork and all the other pressures of freshman year but not being able to drink or smoke weed or have sex was tough. This was a coed club after all. A few of Anton's fellow 'tap-ins' were very attractive women. It was inevitable.

The thing about inevitable things is that they always happen. That is what inevitable means. All the rules were broken constantly. 'Tap-ins' would get together to smoke weed. They would drink constantly. They would have sex. The worse part was, they always got caught. The 'Rush Chairs'(members of the social club who were in charge of the tapping in the process) always found out, it was a small campus after all. Then the whole 'line' would have to recite more lines, do more pushups, do more squats, etc. Here's the thing, the longer they didn't follow the rules the longer the 'tapping in' process would take. They were their own worst enemy. Also, Anton was not getting any face time with Seema during this process. She was not a huge part of the 'tapping in' process, they had 'Rush Chairs' for that. Anton did not like this. The whole reason he joined Circle K was to spend time with Seema, not to learn the history of some club. It was a lot of work for very little reward. But, he figured once he was a member he would have all the time in the world to get to know Seema.

A month into the process, all the 'tap-ins' had reached their limits. There was no end in sight and they were tired of the constant badgering. "The beatings will continue until morale improves!" Indeed they did. A few 'tap-ins' dropped out. The people that stayed, however, had become close friends. The mentality formed that either they all dropped out or none of them did, they were that close. They made a pact. No one was going to break the rules anymore no matter what. No more trying to be cool. No more fucking around. They were going to follow the rules and 'cross.' ('Crossing' was the term used they used to signify the end of the 'tapping in' process. When the 'tap-ins' 'crossed,' they became members.)

It was a long and arduous process but eventually, they 'crossed' and became official members of Circle K. It was a great moment for Anton and his newly formed brothers and sisters. They had spent the better part of their fall semester getting to know each other, spending time with each other, and indulging in all sorts of shenanigans together. Some of the best memories of Anton's college career were made during the 'tapping-in' process. But now it was time for him to go get what he came for. He had to make a move on Seema.

At first, he approached Seema as a friend. Even though they were now a part of the same social club, he did not have that much one-on-one time with her. She had her circle of friends and he had his. They would hang out side by side, but not necessarily together. He would try his best to talk to her at parties and other club gatherings but their relationship remained platonic. He had a really hard time saying what he felt to her. Why didn't he just ask her out? What's the worse that she could say? No? At least he would have known where he stood. He wouldn't be left pining for someone that did not feel the same way back. By this time everyone else in the club was starting to realize that Anton had a huge thing for Seema. His friends knew, but now so did the other members of the club who were closer to Seema than they were to him. Seema had to have known.

One night towards the end of the fall semester the entire club was walking to an on-campus party. Anton and Seema were walking side by side in the back of the group and, out of nowhere, Seema grabbed his hand. They were holding hands and walking to the party. Now here was a golden opportunity for Anton to either say what everyone already knew or act on it. Tell her or kiss her. He did neither. He was so happy to be in that moment that he froze. Seema was begging him to make a move and he just could not do it. He couldn't be vulnerable with her. He could never find the words to tell Seema and was missing out because of it. He figured that once they were at the party he would get a little drunker and make his move. He always delayed. Well at the party he did get drunker, but another girl made a move on him. And in his drunken state, he gave in. He couldn't keep his eyes on the prize. He didn't get a chance with Seema for the rest of that semester. He assumed he would get another chance. He figured things would be different next semester.

But things were not differently next semester. If anything, they got worse. That's the thing about attraction and love, you have to act on it when the opportunity arises. The longer you take to act, the harder it becomes. Not to mention the person on the other side is going to start to lose interest. Seema did like Anton. But she was not going to wait around forever. And eventually, that attraction faded. Anton did his best to get closer to Seema. The two of them messaged often while in class. He would see her from the window of one of his classes and he would message her. She loved it and the two of them would message back and forth for hours. He would go to her room just to hang out. The two of them would talk about all sorts of things and have a good time. But not once did Anton go to her room and just flatly ask her out. He couldn't.

What started as cute and fun turned into sad and desperate. The semester went on and Anton would still go to Seema's room at every opportunity that he could. At first, Seema was excited every time Anton walked in to hang out, but after a while, she grew tired of him. He started overstaying his welcome. The attraction had faded. Not to mention Anton's friends were starting to get worried. They would come to him and tell him to shit or get off the pot. He was starting to look desperate and a little creepy. Now Anton was not a bad guy and his intentions were always in the right place but his inaction was killing any chance he had with Seema. What was ironic was that Anton did not have trouble getting other women. They would fall all over themselves trying to be with him. But it never translated to anything with Seema. He was so in love that he found himself paralyzed when it came to her. He could stomach rejections from all the other girls on campus, but he could not stomach a rejection from her.

The semester came and went. On the last night of the semester, Anton got drunk with his friends as per usual. Finals were done, and everyone was leaving in the morning. The night had 'end of the world' vibes. The party moved from the dorm rooms to out into the quad. It was as if the entire school was partying that night. Everyone from his social club was out and about, including Seema. Anton decided right then and there that if he caught Seema alone he would make his move. This was the last day of the semester, she would be on a different campus next year, it truly was now or never. He saw Seema returning to her room. He gave it a good 5 minutes and decided to go knock on her door. He got to her floor and turned the corner to her hallway. He saw Seema making out with another guy in front of her room. Then the guy opened the door and the two of them went into her room.

Anton turned around and walked back out into the quad.